“Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.” The Lord answered, “I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites. – Judges 6:15-16

Let me begin with a joke about the man who went to his psychiatrist, and when the doctor asked him what had prompted his visit, the man said, “I am suffering from an inferiority complex.”  During the subsequent few visits, the psychiatrist put his new patient through a battery of tests and finally came the long-awaited diagnosis. 

The doctor called the man and asked him to return to the clinic for a consultation. Upon arrival at the clinic, the doctor seated the patient before him and said, “I have some interesting news for you.”  The patient eagerly waited and asked, “What is it?”  The doctor said, “It is not a complex. You are inferior.”

For way too many years of my life, I had an inferiority complex that was off the charts. My self-doubt thwarted most things I wanted to do or tried to do. My vision of life was very skewed. I genuinely thought I was inferior to other people.

At the ripe old age of seventy-three, I throw up my hands to the God who helped me overcome self-doubt and a deep-seeded inferiority complex that began when I started elementary school. Up until that point, I did not realize I was poor, a bit unclean, and in a highly dysfunctional home.

I literally can still picture my first day in the first grade. When my name was called and the teacher asked me to come to the front of the room, I proudly walked the aisle. I thought I was like everyone else. It did not take long to realize that I was not like most of the other kids. I did not dress as well, smell as good, or have kindergarten under my belt like so many others did. (In those days, kindergarten was only for those whose parents could afford to send them.)

Through elementary school, my classmates would talk about going to the dentist or going on vacation. I had nothing to say. I had never done either of those things. When class officers were chosen, I was never on the list. Safety patrol was a coveted position, and I so wanted to wear the sash adorned with a big silver badge. Nope, more popular kids were appointed to the position. I watched my classmates get invited to the prom, but never was I invited. In high school, I did get up the nerve to audition to be a class speaker for senior chapel. I was not chosen. A girl I knew was on the committee, and she said something like this to me, “We thought you did okay, but some thought you didn’t look the part.” Without a doubt, I was definitely second class.

Even into my adult years, I looked at other pastors’ wives, and I felt inferior. I could not play the piano like they could, well, actually I could not play at all. A church was interested in my husband being their pastor, but when they found out I could not play the piano, they were no longer interested. I was an inferior wife for a pastor. Gaylon surely married the wrong person.

Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever felt like an afterthought? Have you ever felt like others have so much on the ball, but not you? If so, you are not alone!

I began this blog with verses telling the story of a man named Gideon who thought of himself as inferior to everyone, even members of his own family. When God first called Gideon, Gideon was fearful and felt totally inadequate. Yet, Gideon became a mighty warrior who rescued God’s people. What a great story to remind us that God understands our doubts and fears. He uses our weaknesses to lead us to depend on Him, and then we experience His strength.

There are quite a few stories in scripture of people who felt inadequate. Moses. Jeremiah. Esther. The woman with the issue of blood. Yet, God gave each of them the power to overcome a negative self-image, change their lives, and to be mightily used by Him.

I can be listed among those who felt unloved, not gifted, an afterthought.

BUT GOD!!!!!! That is my testimony, BUT GOD! At the ripe age of seventy-three, I can testify of God’s overcoming power. I am His child. I am gifted by Him. He has used me. He does love me.

Today, I feel a bit like the disciple named John. Read his gospel. He constantly referred to himself as “the one Jesus loved.”  That is a bit humorous to me that John would refer to himself that way. Some say he would not use his own name out of humility. Maybe, but not much humility in calling yourself the one Jesus loved! Instead, in his writing, John showed us that he was confident of the Savior’s love for him.

Often, our mind starts playing a reel about how we are not enough. All of us face that from time to time. May I tell you something life-changing? When the negative self-image begins to weigh on you, quickly counter it by saying your name followed by the words “the one Jesus loves.” Do that all through the day. It is life-changing.

Yep, like many of you, I have had quite a few rough spots in life, quite a bit of rejection. I can let those moments become my identity, but I refuse to do that. But, let me tell you who I am today, let me tell you my true identity. I am Barbara Benton, the one Jesus loves. Who are you?