As we headed out the door to our son’s ball game, the telephone rang. (This was back in the day of land lines.)  Though in a hurry, I chose to pick up the phone to answer. After all, my husband was the pastor of a thriving church, and it could be important.

Right after I answered, I recognized the frantic voice of “Alice.”  Alice proceeded through angry words and tears to tell me that she and her husband needed Gaylon and me right away. They had another intense argument and needed us to come “referee.”  No, she did not say referee, but that is what she wanted.

Without going into too much detail, let me give you a little background. Alice and her husband had weekly fights, not disagreements, but fights. They could get very heated over every little detail of life. Gaylon and I had met with them many times, but they never practiced any of the advice we gave them. They did not want counsel. They wanted us to choose sides.

I proceeded to tell Alice that we were on the way to our son’s ball game and could not see them right away, but we would talk to them another time. Alice was shocked! She said, “What kind of pastors are you? We need your help, and you would rather be at a ball game?” 

Alice never returned to the church.

Maybe you are applauding my response to Alice, but years prior to that might have evoked a different response from me. I probably would have dropped everything to fulfill Alice’s expectation. It happened too often that I felt obligated to be there any time someone wanted me. I dragged my babies to home visits because I was expected to accompany my husband. Surely God wanted me to make people happy.

Over time in ministry, I became angry at all the demands. I had accepted the lie that good ministry and good Christian living requires pleasing people. It took years for me to understand that I had a disease called “pleasing-people-itis.”  Perhaps you have heard of it?

The Bible speaks to this issue. “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10).

Paul positions people-pleasing as being in opposition to serving God. If we commit ourselves to serving God, then we ought to be serious about understanding that approval addiction has significant consequences – anger, exhaustion, joylessness, and others.

It is impossible to please people all the time. We know this. We have heard it hundreds of times. Often, we forget what we know, especially if we want a person to have a good opinion of us. When we carry the burden of people-pleasing, we end up carrying a cross that is not ours to bear.

“People-pleasing-itis” will raise its head quite often. When there is pressure to please someone, give it time before saying yes. Tell them you will get back with them tomorrow. Pray about it. Weigh whether you are feeling the pressure of people-pleasing. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries for your own good, your spiritual good, and the good of your family.

If I am pleasing Him, if I am living for Him, if I am following His direction, then I do not have to worry about whether people like me or agree with my decisions. What matters is whether I am pleasing God. My life is an offering to Him and is meant to be lived pleasing Him. Living our lives in the jail of what others think just keeps us in bondage! Isn’t it time to break the chains of people pleasing?