Her name was Mary. That is not really her name, but we shall call her that.  When I met Mary, she appeared shy, troubled, and nervous.  In fact, when I would try to talk with her, she could not even look me in the eye. 

Mary became part of our church and said yes to my invitation to walk with me sometimes.   Over time Mary began to open up to me.  She told a tale of how she had been unfaithful to her husband.  He had found out about it, and  Mary ended the relationship with the other man.  In just a few weeks, Mary realized she was pregnant.   The timing raised a question about who the father of the child was.   Mary’s husband became enraged and forced her to terminate the pregnancy, and she had never been able to move beyond the guilt.

I began to talk with Mary, sharing with her scripture showing the total forgiveness of God, His love and acceptance.  Mary understood what the Bible said.  She understood that God had forgiven her.  The problem was that Mary had never forgiven herself.  Mary felt she should be punished for the rest of her life and that she should not be allowed to ever be happy after what she had done.  I wish I could tell you that Mary was able to move on, but Mary never could forgive herself.

Many are stuck today because of something in their past.   Struggling under self-condemnation is not the way God wants us to live.  Stop replaying in your mind the old recording of your sin, which stirs up guilt, but instead replay the truths of God’s Word. God says in Romans 8:1, 2, “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.  And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death.”    God says in Ephesians 1:6 – “He has made us accepted in the beloved.”   Rehearse these promises when the recording in your mind starts playing.  As you take hold of His forgiveness and release your guilt, you will walk out of that jail of self-condemnation into the joy of abundant life.

The story is told of a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm. The lad was given a slingshot to play with while he roamed in the woods. He practiced in the woods, but he could never hit the target.  Getting a little discouraged, he headed back for dinner. As he was walking back, he saw Grandma’s pet duck. Just out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square in the head, and killed it. He was shocked and grieved. In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the wood pile, only to see his sister watching! Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing.

After lunch the next day, Grandma said, “Sally, let’s wash the dishes.”  But Sally said, “Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen.”  Then she whispered to him, “Remember the duck?” So, Johnny did the dishes.

Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing and Grandma said, “I’m sorry but I need Sally to help make supper.”   Sally just smiled and said, “Well that’s all right because Johnny told me he wanted to help.” She whispered again, “Remember the duck?” So, Sally went fishing and Johnny stayed to help.

After several days of Johnny doing both his chores and Sally’s, he finally could not stand it any longer. He came to Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck.  Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug, and said, “Sweetheart, I know. You see, I was standing at the window, and I saw the whole thing, but because I love you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you would let Sally make a slave of you.”

Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done that the devil keeps throwing up in your face (lying, cheating, debt, fear, unhealthy habits, hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.); whatever it is, you need to know that God was standing at the window, and He saw the whole thing. He has seen your whole life. He wants you to know that He loves you and that you are forgiven. He is just wondering how long you will let the devil make a slave of you.  The wonderful thing about God is that when you ask for forgiveness, He not only forgives you, but He forgets.  You do not have to be a slave anymore.  Be free!

A little over four years ago, in all my grace and glory and in front of several family members, I took a tumble down some stairs.  I forgot about my pride pretty quickly because I knew I had badly damaged my ankle.   At first, I couldn’t even feel my foot, but in time it was excruciatingly painful.  I could not get up on my own, and of course walking was out of the question. 

My son and husband were able to get me to the car and take me to the hospital.   After a few days, the swelling was down enough for surgery to repair my ankle and leg.  The recovery period was rough as far as pain was concerned, but even more so because I couldn’t put weight on the foot for several weeks.   My only choice was to become dependent on others.

Six weeks later I began therapy to learn to walk again.  It was so hard and so painful.  I just wanted to quit!  I shed many tears after leaving therapy, and my feelings said, “Just don’t go back.”   My head knew I had to go back.  Following my feelings would have kept me crippled.  

On one really difficult therapy day, I wanted to cry and scream, but being a victorious woman of God, I sucked it up in front of them.   My therapist finally looked at me and said, “Your problem is you are concentrating on the pain instead of the healing that is ahead.”    Mic drop!  Over the next several months, I learned to walk through the pain.  Some days were hard, really hard.  Today, I walk without a limp and without pain.   How?  I kept my focus on the healing. 

My heart is filled with compassion for so many people who are in the throes of crippling, painful situations in this life.    Life can be downright traumatic.    Perhaps we didn’t even see the tumble down the stairs coming.  Perhaps the tumble is  a health crisis, an employment issue, betrayal or abuse, loss of a loved one, family division.  Maybe something started off like a hill and has now become a mountain.

The apostle Paul wrote, “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed” (2 Corinthians 4:8-9).   He didn’t sugar coat it.  Paul said, “Life has been tough.  We even took blows that struck us down, but they did not destroy us.”    I am not sugar coating it either.  Life is so painful at times, so demanding at times.  We take hard blows that knock the breath out of us, and maybe knock us to the ground. 

So often we try to medicate the pain with food, alcohol, overspending, immoral behavior, and a host of other things.   Yet, when those things have run their course, the pain is still there.     That battle you’re facing – I know it’s difficult. I know it feels impossible and heart-wrenching, but I also believe Jesus is saying, “Keep your focus on healing.  Keep your focus on me.  The pain is real, but I am more real.  Walk towards healing.”

Consider believing God’s perspective and claiming a victory even when you don’t feel or look victorious.  When the pain is real, keep walking towards healing.   When we do that, we will be able to walk with hope.  

God has given us victory, but we must learn to walk victoriously.    There is the emotional shout of victory, and then there is the walk of victory.   The latter requires walking through the pain on the way to healing.    The latter requires focus on the One who brings healing.  

“Life can throw its best weapons at you, and they are no match for the Almighty God that is in you. Satan will try to deceive you by planting doubt and discouragement in you. Cast all of those feelings on Jesus because His burden is light. Stand firm on the Word of God and in Prayer. You will overcome the evil one. The victory is yours.” – Chuck Musselwhite