Reuben Gonzales was in the final match of a pro racquetball tournament. In the fourth and final game, Gonzales made a super kill shot into the front wall to win the game. The referee called it good. Two linesmen affirmed that the shot was in. But Gonzales, after a moment’s hesitation, turned around, shook his opponent’s hand, and declared that his shot had hit the floor first. As a result, he lost the match and walked off the court. Everybody was stunned. They could not believe that a player with victory in hand disqualified himself at match point and lost! When asked why he did it, Reuben said, “It was the only thing that I could do to maintain my integrity. I could always win another match, but I could never regain my lost integrity.” 

I have often pondered the word integrity. As a Christian, integrity is especially important in my life. There was a time in my Christian walk that I was a bit loosey-goosey when it was convenient for me. Today, I can truly say that I do not want to confess one thing and live another. Integrity is sorely lacking in our world.

With twenty-four-hour news available to us and more social media posts than I care to think about, there is a constant churning out of stories of people doing things which show a lack of integrity. Who can forget the scandal of musical duo Milli Vanilli passing off recordings of songs that were not even their voices? Politicians are accused of taking bribes, lying, cheating, and sexual misconduct. Priests and pastors are suspected of abusing children or leading a hidden life of immorality. I recently read the story of a church deacon arrested for killing another driver in a case of road rage. It can make a person wonder if there are any people of integrity anymore.

My heart has been grieved and deeply troubled by the growing number of well-known ministers who have fallen because of a lack of integrity. They were people who were very gifted and adored by thousands and thousands. It matters not how gifted a man or woman of God is if there is a lack of integrity in their behind-the-scenes life. This is true for those in the pulpit and those on the pew.

I make an appeal to all of us to bow at the altar of God, ask for a cleansing, and commit ourselves to walk in integrity. People should be able to look at our lives and witness a standard of God’s morals and character. As believers, we should be who we declare we are not just in words, but in behavior, actions, and lifestyle, and walking in Christlikeness.

“Integrity may not always offer the quickest path to fame or riches, but it offers the path that leads to blessings, not just for you, but for those around you too. The blessing of being a person of integrity is the blessing of being the person you were created to be, being the person God wants you to be, and being the person the world needs you to be. –  Dr. Brian Koning

Brothers and sisters, integrity matters.

“The Lord is more pleased when we do what is right and just than when we offer him sacrifices.” – Proverbs 21:3

Is there a lot going on in the world around us, a lot of hard stuff, frightening stuff, dark-filled stuff? Your response might be, “That is a very dumb question!”

Gaylon and I pray together every day. We come humbly thanking God for His goodness, His blessings, and His sustaining power in our lives. When the time to bring petitions to the Lord comes, we have quite a lengthy list of people for whom we have agreed to pray. We also pray for a country that I believe to be in perilous times. We ask for divine intervention in our lives and in our country.

Occasionally, I look at the prayer list, and I get a bit overwhelmed. It is so easy to get bogged down with the enormity of the needs. Cancer. Alzheimer’s. Parkinson’s Disease. Families facing autism. Broken families. Those who have recently lost loved ones. A move of God in our churches, our families, and our land.

I think David often felt that way. No writing of David better expresses the depth of emotions when facing a dark time than does Psalm 13. It might very well be the deepest of pits that David endured.

O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
    How long will you look the other way?
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
    with sorrow in my heart every day?
    How long will my enemy have the upper hand?

Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
    Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
    Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.

But I trust in your unfailing love.
    I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
I will sing to the Lord
    because he is good to me. – Psalm 13 (NLT)

The writings of David in Psalm 13 and other Psalms are very revelatory. David’s psalms are a journal of sorts as he reveals what was on his mind. David did not act like he was never afraid, never rattled, never angry, nor exempt from trouble. Yet David also journals something over and over – the goodness of God.

In times of trouble, he reminds himself of the characteristics of the God to whom he belongs. He trusts God, gives thanks to Him, and praises Him. He tells of His wonders. He lists a number of things that he can count on God to do, even if it appears on the face of it that the enemy is strong. The statements he makes are expressions of faith, not descriptions of what he sees around him. Often what started off as how tough life is, ended with shouts of praise!

What a great spiritual habit to develop. While your brain is listing all your troubles and trials, let your mouth and pen list all the wonderful traits of the God to whom you belong. Write your own psalm to and about God. As I pray over my list of worries and cares, I am going to stop periodically along the way and proclaim the goodness of God, the power of God, and the trustworthiness of God.

That is faith building. Just ask a guy named David!

Recently, I read a story about a newly married couple. One of their favorite pastimes was to go for a drive in their truck in the evenings.  The husband would get in the driver’s seat and the wife would sit in the middle of the bench seat, sitting as close to her man as she could.  In order to have quiet time from the activities of life, they took this evening drive frequently.

A few years went by, and they kept up the routine of the drive, perhaps more out of habit than anything else.  But as time went by, the wife slowly inched away from sitting close to her husband. Eventually, she completely stopped sliding over next to her husband at all.  Instead, she would just climb in and sit in the passenger seat.

One day she said, “I miss the days when we were so in love that we were inseparable and cuddled close.” The husband replied, “I never moved.”

Recently, I realized that I had slipped away from my closeness with God. Oh, I was saved. I prayed prayers every day, although rather perfunctory at times. One night as I was tossing in my bed unable to sleep, I felt troubled. As I lay in the darkness, I asked God, “Why don’t I feel You like I once did?” I know feelings are not the basis of my walk with God, but there are those times, when I realize that my relationship with God is suffering.

The year 2024 has not been a dream year for our family. We have faced the death of a brother, a brother-in-law, and a niece who faced a hard battle with ALS. Another sibling is battling memory issues, and another has had so many medical issues. I could list other burdens, but you get the picture. Life gets extremely hard.

Whether intentional or unintentional, I began to scoot across the seat from God. It was not all at once, but little by little. I was a restless, careless drifter from the presence of God. That night in bed in a darkened room, I decided that things were going to change starting the next day.

Revelation 2:1-7 addresses the issue of “scooting across the seat” as believers. Jesus spoke to the Church at Ephesus. He commended them for all the work they were doing and all the evil they were shunning. In reading those verses, it is almost as if Jesus is saying, “Thanks for all you stand for and all you are doing in my Name. However, it is YOU that I long for. You no longer love me as you once did. I miss you cuddling right up next to me.”

Jesus did not say that the Ephesians had lost first love, but that they had left first love, had forsaken first love. They were still in church. They were still doing good deeds. They were still standing for righteousness. They were “good” Christians. As admirable as all of that is, the heart of Jesus said, “I miss YOU.”

Rick Renner stated it this way, “As we walk with the Lord, there is always a danger that as each of us grows older in our spiritual walk and become more structured, polished, refined, and doctrinally developed, we will slowly start to forfeit the zeal and spiritual fire we once possessed. What we once held as precious tends to seem routine over time, and as we become accustomed to God’s precious Spirit in our lives, too often we unintentionally begin to simply “traffic” in the things of God.”

The morning after my wrestling in my bed, I remembered the words of Revelation chapter two. Jesus gave a formula for restoring first love: Remember. Repent. Redo.

1. Remember. I have often been known to break out in a song while teaching the Word of God in a conference. Quite often that song is, “If you could see where Jesus brought me from to the place I am today, then you would know the reason why I love my Jesus so.”  I remember what a mess I was when Jesus took me in His arms. He forgave every sin. I remember how Jesus Christ healed the trauma, confusion, and anger I was carrying. Remembering caused me to rekindle first love. It would do us all well to pay a visit to the foot of the cross on a regular basis. Oh, what a Savior!
2. Repent. I knelt in the presence of God and repented of allowing so many things to rob my time with Him. I repented of the attitudes and ugliness that had taken over my tongue, at times. I asked Him to forgive me. It is easy to ask forgiveness for what we call the major sins. Yet, I think it is the attitudinal things of the heart that trip us up most. Lord, I repent. Forgive me.
3. Redo. What did I do when I first understood this Savior of mine? I began to worship on a daily basis. I would play worship music, singing at the top of my lungs, while cleaning my house, and handling the normal things of life. I invited Him into everything. I praised Him through all things. His praise was ever on my lips. I began to practice the presence of God from early morning and through the day.

I purposed in my heart that I would set aside no less than thirty minutes each day to read, sing, pray, and slip across the seat and get closer to God. In a matter of days, the difference was undeniable. U-N-D-E-N-I-A-B-L-E. I found that the time with Him got longer and longer because I did not want to leave His presence.

Is it possible that you have slipped across the seat from God? Has your relationship with Him become mundane? Today, God is simply saying, “Draw close to Me, and I will draw close to you.”  I am so glad to serve a God who is more interested in my relationship with Him than keeping a tab of all I am doing for Him.

As I write this, my own heart is stirred once more to stay close to God. Is God calling to You today to scoot across the seat? Remember. Repent. Redo. He awaits you.

“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.” – James 4:8

If each of us had a long time to talk and share our lives based on our scars, we would hear many stories, stories of pain. From a fleshly vision point, we often think of our scars as being ugly. After all, we are in a world where beauty and youth are worshiped.

Let me share a few stories of scars that I have on my body.

The largest scar that I have is several inches long and is on my abdomen. It is not pretty, believe me! Though it is a bit unsightly, there are times the scar beckons me to gaze at it and recall why I have that scar. When I was forty-four years old, I was suddenly faced with a frightening diagnosis. After examinations, an MRI that lasted thirty minutes, blood tests, and a long talk with my doctor, he told me that tests seem to indicate that I had ovarian cancer. Surgery would be required, and a surgical oncologist would accompany the doctor. The oncologist would take over after the tumor was removed and stage the disease.

There were more mind battles during that period of time than I care to think about or describe. Yes, I am a Christian believer, but that does not inoculate me against the battlefield of the mind.

Miraculously, a large tumor was removed, and to the doctor’s shock, it was benign. There had been much prayer, even prayers of relinquishment that God would have His way no matter the report. I wanted Him to be glorified.

Today, nearly thirty years later, God has blessed me with a good life, flowing with the river of His presence, filled with a new generation of Bentons known as grandchildren, and a ministry of teaching His Word.

Yes, the scar is ugly, but oh the scar is beautiful! It reminds me of that period of time when God was present even when I had no idea of the outcome. God was with me!

I also have a scar that I wish I did not have. It is on my nose, right between my eyes. As a young child, a sibling threw an empty vegetable can and hit me on the nose. Where the can had been opened was sharp, and that part hit me causing an ugly gash. Had I been taken to the emergency room for stitches, the scar would not be so prominent for all to see. There was no money in the budget for that!

Occasionally, the scar on my nose will catch my eye, and I am reminded of my childhood. Even though the cut at the time was painful, my childhood was much more painful. I have often shared my scars from childhood, not to get attention, not to get pity, but to speak of the healing power of Jesus Christ. While my wound on my nose was visible at the time, and my scar is visible now, my childhood wounds were rarely if ever visible. The years of abuse that my siblings and I endured were so hard. They deeply wounded my young heart and robbed me of innocence and joy. That nose scar represents years of tears and sorrow, but that scar epitomizes that God can give beauty for ashes. He can turn mourning into dancing.

Were those days hard? Indescribably hard. BUT … I love that scar now. I had no idea that the God who created the universe, would make me a new creation over time. Those internal wounds from childhood are now internal scars showing that healing has occurred! I share those unseen scars with others. I want to be a herald of the good news that Jesus not only saves, but He also heals emotional damage and restores new life to dead places.

My scars represent more than the presence of a previous wound. They represent healing. They represent new life. They represent miracles. They represent God at work in hopeless times. They represent God’s provision.

What scars are you carrying today? Stare at them and remember what God has brought you through. That same God will bring you through what you are facing today.

It would be nice not to have scars on this fleshly body of mine, especially the highly visible one between my eyes. But, oh the stories behind the wounds that are now healed. Thank God for my beautiful ugly scars!

“…I will give them a crown of beauty instead of ashes. I will give them the oil of joy instead of sorrow, and a spirit of praise instead of a spirit of no hope. Then they will be called oaks that are right with God, planted by the Lord, that He may be honored.” – Isaiah 61:3

I am blessed to married to a good and godly man for fifty-three years. His name is Gaylon, also known as my boyfriend. Gaylon is quite a negotiator. There was a time when a person could negotiate with the salesperson when buying a vehicle. Gaylon was a master negotiator. He wanted the car, but he wanted it on his terms. If the salespeople offered a certain amount, he would offer several thousand dollars below that. At times, I have looked at him like, “Are you crazy?” It is amazing how much he has saved on vehicles through the years, because he negotiated until he got what he wanted with the terms that pleased him.

There is a story in scripture of a young man who kind of wanted to negotiate with Jesus. He wanted eternal life, but he wanted it on his terms. We know him as the rich young ruler, and his story is found in Matthew 19:16-22.

If we are honest with ourselves, we have to admit we are pretty selective about how we view Jesus. We often pick and choose the images of Jesus that appeal to us and make us feel good. Just prior to this story are verses where children are brought to Jesus, and He blesses them. One’s mind cannot help but picture a sweet scene where Jesus is laughing with the children and then pronouncing a blessing on them.

Right after that we see a side of Jesus as the uncompromising negotiator. He does not change the scripture or truth so He can add another follower. This Jesus can seem too radical, too firm to suit our tastes. Jesus wanted the truth to be unmistakable, and Jesus is known for powerful, unvarnished truth-telling.

The young man walked up to Jesus and asked Him, “What must I do to inherit eternal life?”  Jesus answered the young man by saying and naming several of the ten commandments. The man replied that he had kept all these commandments since he was a youth. He was proud of his good works.

The Gospel of Mark tells us something very important: ^“Looking at the man, Jesus felt genuine love for him. “There is still one thing you haven’t done,” he told him. “Go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” – Mark 10:21

It is important to know that Jesus loved the man. The conversation Jesus had for him was not snippy or controlling. Jesus spoke the truth in love, but He spoke the truth. He wanted the young man to know that following Jesus it is not about rule following and trying to earn one’s way to heaven. It is about a life that is totally surrendered to Jesus Christ. It is about following Jesus, not about following rules.

The rich young ruler was upset, sad, and walked away. “Jesus, I want to follow You, but only if I can do it on my terms.”  Dearly beloved, is there anything, any hindrance, that you are unwilling to give up to follow Jesus? You may not be wealthy, but if there is something that inteferes with total surrender to Jesus, laying it down is a vital part of following the Master. He must have your all. And he calls gently to you: “Come, follow me.”

There is much negotiating in the Church today. We want to make people feel good about the love of God, but not teach what following Christ means. There, I said it! The Bible tells us that the man walked away sad, rather than lay down the thing that Jesus said to lay down. Jesus did not run after the young man and say, “Wait a minute. What will it take to get you to follow me? I’m sure we can come up with a solution that works for you and me.”  Jesus stood firm in truth.

When we read this man’s story, it beckons us to ask ourselves: What part of my life am I unwilling to give up in order to follow Jesus? What do I love more than I love Him? Following Jesus costs us everything, but we gain far more than we ever give up.

The entirety of our lives must be submitted to His lordship. Do not turn away sad like the rich young ruler. Joyfully lay down anything that stops you from a life following Him. It is not a negotiation.

“Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me. ²⁵ If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?” – Matthew 16:24-26 NLT