What is the most unfair thing that has happened to you in life? A spouse dying at a young age? Infertility? Passed over for a job promotion? Assaulted or robbed? No money to pay bills? Whew! There is a lot of unfairness in life.

As I was recently chatting with a friend I had not seen in a while, we began to talk about life. Our conversation drifted to my childhood. She already knew my story, but we talked about how unfair it is what some children are forced to endure while growing up. We continued chatting about what was currently going on in our lives, and she had tears well up in her eyes. Both of us had difficulties we were facing. She said, “Barbara Benton, you should not have to face anything else in your life. It is just not fair.”

We ended our conversation by stating our faith in God, and that we trusted Him whether life was fair or not.

There was a time in my life that I spent a lot of time and energy on being the “fair” police. When “that’s not fair” circumstances arose in my life or in the lives of those I loved, I made sure that everyone, including God, knew that what was happening simply was not fair.

The writer of Ecclesiastes said this about life, “The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to men of understanding, nor favor to men of skill; but time and chance happen to them all.” – Ecclesiastes 9:11.

The book of Ecclesiastes offers a wise perspective. Life does not work out fairly all the time even when we live a life devoted to God and choosing wisdom. Life is unpredictable, and our existence on the earth is a blip of time. We must keep an eternal perspective because this life is temporary and fleeting.

Unfairness in life does not mean that God is not in control.

The fact is that it was not fair that Jesus suffered a cruel death on the cross. I must remind myself that God was still in control when His Son was treated unfairly. He was in control when the flesh on the back of Jesus was torn apart by a cat of nine tails. God was in control when Jesus stumbled carrying a heavy cross to Golgotha. God saw the unfairness, but God was going to bring great victory from that unfairness.

God is doing the same for us. While we might not see unfairness corrected in this life, when we get to Heaven, we will see that God was always working in our lives. I love how one paraphrase stated Psalm 37:5. “Give God the right to direct your life, and as you trust him along the way, you’ll find he pulled it off perfectly!”

Life is hard. Life is unfair. God is still good, and He is working on the big picture. One day, we will see that He pulled it off perfectly! I choose faith when life is unfair.

Gaylon and I just returned from a trip to North Carolina to celebrate the life of a friend who has gone to his heavenly reward. I know he is rejoicing. For the decades we knew our friend Wayne, he always had a praise for his Lord and Savior, and he was busy sharing the love of God.

As we drove home yesterday, we were tired. The trip included the celebration of life, a little side trip to visit my sister who I rarely get to see, and a trip through Morganton to see our grandson Tucker and his family.

In four days, we drove almost fifteen hundred miles. As we neared home, I was thinking how glad I would be to step out of my car and into my home to rest. I began to sing the old hymn.

When I’ve gone the last mile of the way,
I will rest at the close of the day,
And I know there are joys that await me
When I’ve gone the last mile of the way.

We are all going to walk the last mile of the way some day. Our time on earth will be over, and our time in eternity will begin.

While in North Carolina, we saw many friends – friends that had no white hair when we met them, and now they have many or all white hairs on their heads. As I chatted with them, it was such a joy to know that they were still serving God faithfully. Life had not been without hardships, but they were still serving God. In a world that is often dark and filled with “acceptable” sin, they were still faithfully serving God. Some were walking a little slower, but they were still serving God. I chatted with one couple who had lost a child and two grandchildren, and they were still serving God. Some had their spouses forsake them and walk away, but they were still serving God.

Finally, we turned onto the last road that would take us home. As we got on the final road, we went over the last hill, and I knew I was almost home, and I began to sing the song a little louder. I knew home awaited me. We literally got out of the car and said, “Thank You, Lord, for keeping us as we traveled. It is great to be home.”

Gaylon and I are at the age now, where we find ourselves closer to the last mile of the way in life’s journey. God has been good to us, and He has kept us. Life has brought us many joys, and life has brought us many trials. I am so aware that home is just over the hill, and then I shall stand face-to-face with my Lord, and I can say to Him, “Thank You for keeping us as we traveled. It is great to be home.”

Heaven is real. My Savior is real. Eternity is real.

^“For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus, we shall always be with the Lord.” – 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17

Amazing to me is that we actually have people who make a living by being an “influencer.”  An influencer can persuade other people, for example their followers on social media, to do, buy, or use the same things they do. They get paid or are given free products in exchange for doing this. They work nonstop trying to get more followers and to get well known, and they are crushed when they lose followers on social media. Influencing is a big deal.

Though we might not be affected by social media influencers, we all have people who influence us. Over the years, I’ve had many influencers in my life, but not the social media kind. I am talking about the kind who have taken an active role in my healing process and my spiritual growth process. I am so grateful for those who have influenced my life, but do you know who my greatest influencer is? ME! I am my greatest influencer because no one talks to me about me more than me. Read that again: no one talks to me about me more than me.

Though mostly in my head, I have carried on conversations with me for decades. Truth be told, we have conversation with ourselves from the moment we arise in the morning until we go back to bed at night.

Within seconds of getting up today, I started rehearsing what was going to happen at my cardiologist visit. Would I weigh too much? How about my blood pressure? Would he be pleased with my EKG?

Other times, my mind, for unknown reasons, will talk to me about the environment in which I grew up – how poor we were, how unaccepted we were by so many, how mistreated we were. A regular conversation is the one where I discuss with me how I still cannot believe that our son Bryan died. I have had way too many conversations about the mistakes I made as a wife, parent, and pastor’s wife.

The point is that we are constantly carrying on conversations with ourselves, and those conversations are highly influential in what we say, what we do, and what we decide.

The most important conversation I have with myself is the conversation concerning what I believe about God.

What do you regularly tell yourself about God and your circumstances? Do you tell yourself that God is nowhere in the vicinity? Do you speak doubt and defeat to yourself?  “Well, I’ll never get out of this mess.” “I can never get ahead.” “There is no hope for me in this situation.”  Or do you remind yourself that God is with you and speak words of encouragement, faith, and trust to yourself?

In the book of First Samuel, David found himself in a horrible, heart-rending, sorrowful situation. His city had been burned, and his family was taken captive. David became an influencer to himself.

^“And David was greatly distressed; for the people spoke of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the Lord his God.” – 1 Samuel 30:6.

How wholesome, faith-driven, and Christ-centered is the conversation that you have with yourself every day? Do you remind yourself, “I am a child of God, and He is a good, good father!” Do you tell yourself to run to God in moments when you want to run from him?

Thank God for friends, pastors, teachers, loved ones, and all those who influence us in good ways, but no one (say it out loud, NO ONE) is more influential in your life than you are, because no one talks to you more than you do.

Give yourself wise counsel as a child of God. Write down and even memorize some faith-filled, encouraging scriptures and be an influencer when life comes at you fast.

I am my greatest influencer! Here are some of the conversations I have with myself.

“I am being strengthened with all power according to His might. I have great endurance and patience (Colossians 1:11 NIV). God loads me daily with benefits. He is my salvation (Psalm 68:19).”

“I will not fear for You are with me; I will not be dismayed, for You are my God. You will strengthen me and help me, You will uphold me with Your righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10.) Every word of God is pure; You are my shield because I put my trust in You. (Proverbs 30:5.)”

I am confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in me will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6). God works in me both to will and to do His good pleasure (Philippians 2:13).

“The Holy Spirit is teaching me all things and bringing all things to my remembrance. (John 14:26); Today I will have the mind of Christ. (1 Corinthians 2:16) God will instruct me and teach me in the way that I should go. He is now guiding me with His eye, and I have understanding. (Psalms 32:8,9)”

Mother’s Day is a day that can produce a myriad of emotions. Let’s start with a little Mother’s Day humor:

1. “They say women speak 20,000 words a day. I have a daughter who gets that done by breakfast.”
2. “A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do in a day.”
3. I asked a police recruit during an exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He said, “Call for backup.”
4. “I hate when I’m waiting for mom to cook dinner, and then I remember I am the mom, and I have to cook dinner.”
5. Whoever wrote the song “Easy Like Sunday Morning” did not have kids.
6. When your mom’s voice is so loud, even your neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed.

I love a good laugh, but Mother’s Day can produce far more than laughter. Mother’s Day can produce laughter, love, sorrow, anger, resentment, and emotions I have not even mentioned. Let’s talk about it.

First and foremost, there is thanksgiving for our mothers. My mom had such a hard life, but she put up with a lot of stuff so her eight kids would have a roof over their heads. From her I learned what sacrificial love is. Though I did not understand it at the time, I totally get it now. She taught me so many things. After all, she taught me to use a big-girl potty, and that is an invaluable tool in my life. She has been gone for four decades, and how I wish I could hold her hand and kiss her sweet face.

There is the joy of being a mother. I feel so blessed to be the mother of Michael, Bryan, and Stephen. I was about as imperfect a mother as could be found when my boys were young. I was still in the healing process of my own life. I wish I had known then what I know now about being a healed, whole person. It is worth it for you and your family, to get as whole as possible, so you can enjoy the journey. Also, I was such a perfectionist, wanting everything perfectly clean. Moms, you do not have to let it be a pigsty, but do not worry about every little thing, and instead have fun with your children.

For some, Mother’s Day is as painful as it is joyful. Perhaps the relationship with their mother was never good, even abusive. For some, this is the first year without Mother. Others are dealing with barrenness, longing to have a child of their own to hold in their arms. Some have the pain of miscarriage. I know that pain all too well and can still remember how that felt. I am personally praying with young women who long to have a child. How I wish I could take away their sorrow!

Then, there are the single moms, some of which have no help.

Others are caring for an elderly mother and doing it with great love. Yet, sorrow and exhaustion have become a way of life in many cases.

Some mothers are faced with children that have distanced from them. Maybe the relationship with one or more of their children is strained, or perhaps there is no relationship at all.   Others have watched as their children have become victims of addiction. I personally know several mothers who have broken hearts as a result of children who are incarcerated. 

Some mothers, like me, have mixed emotions. I have so much joy with my sons, their wives, and those precious grandchildren. Yet, at times I still feel warm tears flowing down my face wishing my son Bryan could call. I know he is in heaven, and I will see him again, but I wish I could see him now. I recently had a conversation with a woman, who had lost a son. I did not know her, but we both stood and cried talking about our sons. We rejoiced over what we do have but miss our sons very much.

In scripture, Hannah is always the mother to whom I am drawn. Her story is recorded in 1 Samuel chapter one. Hannah is an example of a woman of faith. She endures years of silent suffering because of her barrenness and the cruel harassment at the hand of her rival Peninnah. She goes to the place of worship, even though she is in pain herself. She faithfully worships, pouring out her tears and petitions. Hannah promised God that if He would give her a son, she would give him back to the service of God. God answers her prayers, she not only keeps her promise, but she also explodes with praise.

As a woman, Hannah knew sorrow for many years, strife in her home, barrenness, and pain. She never gave up on God. She poured her heart out year after year, and God miraculously turned her situation around, BUT only after years of getting up every day to the same set of circumstances. Hannah was a woman of faith, and it was a faith that gave her the strength to face the joys and sorrows of life.

As a woman, wherever you find yourself this Mother’s Day, do not give up on God. I can promise you; God will NEVER give up on you! He hears the cries of your heart. He sees every tear that falls. He knows the depth of pain you feel. Be a woman of faith, for faith will see you through. He understands your sorrow and your pain, and He will meet you right where you are.

“In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul.” – Psalm 138:3