“The older brother was angry and wouldn’t go in. His father came out and begged him, but he replied, ‘All these years I’ve slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!’ – Luke 15:28-30 NLT

While speaking at a women’s retreat in Virginia, I had an interesting experience that I had never had before then, and I have not had since then.

I spoke five times that weekend and started with the story of God finding me as a poverty-stricken, abused little girl. When sharing my story, I do not spend much time on the abuse, but a lot of time on the healing journey God brought to my life.

After sharing my story of God’s grace, healing, and goodness to me, I shared a bit of follow up to the story. I told of how my biological father was led to Jesus by my husband. Unexpectedly, my father died the next day. I talked about God’s grace even to the evilest among us.

At lunch time, a woman came up to me and asked if I would be willing to stop by for just a few minutes to chat with her and her three roommates. She shared that one of her friends had come out of a similar situation and just wanted a few minutes to talk with me.

I stopped by the room to chat with the women. The woman who had a similar childhood as I did, proceeded to thank me for modeling that one can be healed from childhood trauma. She then stated that she did not like the part of my father being accepted by Jesus. That was totally unfair after the life he lived. She actually hoped he would not be in heaven after all the pain and trauma he had inflicted on his children. She sure hoped he would not be in heaven.

The above story is a perfect example of the elder brother in the story of the prodigal.

Jesus told the story of the reckless, selfish son who took his inheritance, left to live his own life, and squandered all of his money. He came to his senses and headed home determined to ask for the job of a servant. At least he would have food in his belly. Jesus then proceeded to tell of a loving, welcoming father who rejoiced and threw a party to celebrate that his son had returned. It seems that it should be the end of the story. The son is home. The father rejoices.

But Jesus does not end the story there. There is another son in this family who was working in the field. As he heads home, he hears music and dancing. He asks one of the servants to tell him what is going on. The servant responds, “Well, your brother is back, so your father is throwing a party, fatted calf and all, to welcome him and celebrate.”

The elder son is not at all interested in attending such a party. If he were a teenager, he would stomp up the stairs to his room and slam the door, making sure everyone in the house could hear every stomp as well as the slam.

The father is not happy about this. He goes to the older son and pleads with him. “Come on, it is right that we celebrate! Please join us!” And the older son gives his father a little speech too – more like a piece of his mind. “Dude, I have been working like a slave for you for years. I have never disobeyed you. You have never even given me a young goat so I could throw a party for my friends.” The older brother is resentful, and also more than a little envious that his brother got to go off and have a good time and does not even get punished for it.

Notice the elder brother talks about all of his work for the father, not his love for the father and his father’s desires. Perhaps his relationship with the father is that of works for acceptance, not of love. Perhaps he feels a bit self-righteous. “Why are you celebrating him? I am the one who lived the right way and did the right things. He should not be celebrated.”

This blog was a little hard to write because I see myself as I used to be. I know all too well the attitude of self-righteousness the older brother demonstrated. I know what it is to live a graceless life toward those who did not meet my standard. I know what it is to labor for God but have little joy. I was the self-righteous older brother. I know personally how self-righteousness robs the soul of joy. I had to be delivered from a works-oriented relationship with God and let Him guide me into a love relationship with Him. I finally understood that Jesus on the cross was dying not for the righteous but for sinners. Jesus loved all people whether they might.

The Church is comprised of both kinds of sons and daughters. There are the ones who “stayed home” and “did what was right” but did not always love their father or their brothers and sisters in Christ.  There are also those who have claimed the Name of Jesus but went far away from their relationship with the Father but found their way back to Him. God loves all His children.

Christian author James Breech says of this story, “When there is no ending, there is no final judgment.” Jesus leaves the judgment up to his listeners – the publicans and sinners who might’ve had a hard time believing in the unconditional, generous, and welcoming love of God, and the Pharisees and scribes who didn’t want to believe in it, because they would rather limit God’s mercy to those whom they felt had “earned” it. We get to imagine the ending.

Hundreds of years later, ending of the story is still left up to the reader. Where do we see ourselves in this story – the passionate but rebellious younger son, the “obedient” but resentful older son, or the unconditionally loving, generous, and welcoming father? And what does God want us to see in the story? Are we being called to move to a grace-filled place in our own stories? I want to be more like the Father.  That will take care of everything else.

If you are like me, you have never taken time to find the true meaning of the word prodigal. One of the most well-known parables in scripture is found in Luke fifteen, and it is usually referred to as the prodigal son. I thought that was to be interpreted the sinful son. Actually, the word prodigal means wastefully extravagant, over-the-top extravagant.

Let’s take a close look at the father in the story. Isn’t he also a prodigal?

When the son comes to his senses and begins the journey back to his father, we see just how prodigal the father is. If we could see the conversation the son is rehearsing, I feel sure we would hear something like this: “Hi, Father. It is I, your younger son. Just hear me out. I have been a fool. I lost everything you gave me. I am not going to lie. I wasted it while living a foolish life. Now, I cannot even afford a piece of bread. I am not asking you to give me anything but a job. I will take the hardest, dirtiest job. I will start at the bottom. I am very experienced at pig feeding. I ask your forgiveness, and I am prepared to work for it.” 

Most likely the son thought he would be walking up to the house before he would see his father. As he turns down the last dusty trail that leads to his father’s house, he sees someone coming in the distance. As he gets closer, he recognizes it as his father. Did the son wonder if the father was coming to tell him to go back where he came from? “Do not set foot in my fields! You are a disgrace and an embarrassment!”

As he gets closer, he sees tears streaming down his father’s face. He sees white shining teeth as the father breaks into an enormous smile. He embraces the lost son. He rejoices, “You have come home. I have longed for this moment.”

The father turns around and shouts to his servant, “Quick! Bring him one of my best robes. Put a ring on his finger. He needs a new pair of sandals.” The father sees the son looking like a new creation after being clothed in the garments given by the father.

The father shouts again. “Quick! Go pick out a fatted calf and cook it with all the trimmings. We are going to celebrate that my son was dead but now is alive. My son was lost but is now found!”

The son is standing there and cannot believe the lavish, extravagant grace of his father. After all the wallowing in the mud of the world, the father did not disown him. The father hugged him, then cleaned him up the way only his father could. He restored him to his place in the father’s house.

Lavish grace. Extraordinary grace. Prodigal grace.

Those listening to Jesus tell this story would have been shocked. How could you allow that disrespectful son to come back? How could you allow him to sit at your table after what he has done? What wasted grace!

I have asked that question about myself. How could You allow me back at Your table after what I have done? The answer is that God is a prodigal father who gives lavish grace. Some probably think it is wasted on the wrong people. The Father never thinks that. He gives lavish grace! Grace that is greater than all my sin.

The prodigal Father has a beautifully generous heart. He runs to meet us when we head towards him. There is great rejoicing over each person who repents. It is Father’s favorite celebration! He throws a party when a son or daughter comes home.

Won’t you come home today? You are not too dirty. You have not gone too far. The Father is already running down the road to meet you. He offers over-the-top grace. The prodigal Father awaits you. Come on home.

“For you are recognizing more clearly the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ [His astonishing kindness, His generosity, His gracious favor], that though He was rich, yet for your sake He became poor, so that by His poverty you might become rich (abundantly blessed). – 2 Corinthians 8:9 AMP

– Photo credit Christian Union

When reading scripture, I love to stop and really ponder all the characters, the emotions they might be experiencing, their decisions, the consequences they faced, and many other things. It helps the scripture to come alive to me. I see myself over and over in the stories.

As I read the story of the prodigal son recently, many thoughts began to buzz about in my mind. Most of us know the basic story and the thoughts that are often shared. As I pondered the story, I realized that, at times, I have been every character in the story. This will be the first of three blogs I will publish discussing each character.

Ready? Let’s dissect character number one.

THE PRODIGAL

We call the younger son the prodigal. We are told that he was tired of being at home. Was he tired of being told what to do? Was he tired of the work expected of him? Was he just greedy? Was he a party boy and did not feel he had the freedom to party? Was he tired of living in his one-horse town? We don’t know why. What we do know is that he thought he could live independent of his father and be much happier. The father could have said to the son, “Boy, who do you think you are? You will stay here and serve and do what I say? You are an ungrateful son.”  No, the father did not demand obedience from the son, but instead the father allowed him to use his free choice.

The son set out to do life independent of his father. He found so many friends, and he threw lots of parties. Doing life the way he wanted was great! Then, one morning he dipped into the money bag, and it was empty. He was broke and the cupboards were bare. His friends apparently did not help him. On top of not having money, a famine came over the land and food was scarce.

The prodigal had to find a job, and the pig farm was hiring. He took the job. Pig feeding didn’t pay so well, and the young man became hungry. As he watched those dirty pigs, he thought even the pig food looked appetizing. The Bible says that he longed to eat what the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

At that moment of longing for pig food, the prodigal remembered what it was like to eat at his father’s table. The Bible says he came to his senses. He pondered, “Why did I think life without my father was better than life with my father?”

Feeling unworthy to ever sit at his father’s table again, he remembered watching the servants on the farm eat until they were filled. Perhaps, I can just ask my father to let me be a servant working for him. At least I will not have to go hungry. It was a life-changing moment for the son. He quit his job in the pig sty and ran to his father.

Of all the parables that Jesus spoke, this one featuring the prodigal son may be the most touching and best remembered. It has been described as perhaps the crown and flower of all the parables. This story appears only once in the Bible in Luke chapter fifteen. As we read the account, we cannot help but be captured by the story of a father’s love for his wayward son.

One key thing we must see where the son is concerned, is that the son repented and turned from the way he was living. Repentance is not a bad word. It is a necessary word. It is a hope-filled word.

The son did not come back asking for the father to bless his wayward lifestyle. He did not ask the father for more money, so he could live independently of his father. He did not expect the father to bless his wayward lifestyle. The son returned with a heart of repentance and was instantly met with a father offering love and forgiveness.

Where are you today? Are you dining with the Father or have you left His table? Come on back. Come now. He longs for your return.

The life-changing core of the gospel is that when we feel far from God, He is never far from us. The moment we turn back toward Him, He runs out to meet us. The moment we repent and turn from sin, He exalts us, calls us His child, and throws a party in our honor. My prayer for you today is that you get lost in the profound grace of God. His grace is greater than ALL our sin.

Grace, grace, God’s grace
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within
Grace, grace, God’s grace
Grace that is greater than all our sin

^“Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away. Then times of refreshment will come from the presence of the Lord.” – Acts 3:19-20 (NLT)

When my children were young, they gave me a wealth of material to use in illustrating truths from scripture. As they grew older, they left for college, got married, and started their own families. I wondered what I would do for stories now! Never fear, grandchildren are here!

While in Baton Rouge, one of the things Gaylon and I helped with was transporting kids to school early each morning. As I was driving one of my granddaughters to school, we were chatting about all kinds of things. We drove through a really nice neighborhood where I am sure the home prices were exorbitant.

My granddaughter began to talk about those homes and being rich. That was her goal some day. As she gave me her eleven-year-old opinion about money, I thought I would share my thoughts with her about not making the goal in life about money, a big house, name brand clothes, or rich friends. She listened but made me chuckle at what she said next. My granddaughter said, “Yeah, but grandparents never run out of money. They always give us gifts or money. They never run out of money.”

At eleven years old, my granddaughter had an immature mind about money and grandparents. We can all get a chuckle from that because she is just a child. However, when she reaches adulthood, we expect a more mature conversation about money and life. We expect growth to take place in her life.

If growth and maturity are expected in our children, why would we think it would be any different as God’s children? As believers, we should not be in the same place we were when we first believed. Growth and maturity are expected. Each of us has room to grow.

The Bible says it this way in one passage, “So let us stop going over the basic teachings about Christ again and again. Let us go on instead and become mature in our understanding. Surely, we don’t need to start again with the fundamental importance of repenting from evil deedsand placing our faith in God.” – Hebrews 6:1 (NLT)

I could write pages on attributes of maturity, but I shall only look at a few examples. Hopefully, this will help each of us to ask, “Do I think as a spiritual child or a mature believer?”

1. We see that trials can bring growth even though they are painful. (Hate it? Me too!) If I must face problems and challenges in this life, then I do not want to waste them. I do pray for deliverance, but sometimes God brings me through something instead of out of it. I want to pause and let the Holy Spirit teach me to trust God and know that God is working in my behalf. What can I learn from this?
2. Prayer becomes much broader. We should feel the freedom to bring to God all of our personal cares and situations. Thanks be to God that I can bring everything to Him, but we should grow beyond praying for just our personal needs. I encourage you to take time to go through the prayer life of the Apostle Paul. Even in the midst of his pain and imprisonment, Paul prayed for an open door that he might share the Gospel. He was concerned that the lost would find Christ, that the Gospel was preached in power. He constantly peppered his prayers with thanksgiving. Do the study! It will teach you so much.
3. A teachable spirit is important in my life. Sometimes our immaturity rears its ugly head when a trusted believer points out our need for repentance or our need for growth in an area. I will always remember the time when my friend Vicki told me that I was gifted, but I was destroying the usefulness of that gifting by letting my past dictate my attitude. At first, she made me mad. Then, the Holy Spirit began to show me that He was speaking to me through her words. I want to always have a teachable spirit.
4. Habitual sins are fading. I have been walking with God for over fifty years. When Jesus found me, I had a foul mouth and hateful spirit. If fifty years later, I still have a foul mouth and hateful spirit, it shows a lack of growth in my spiritual life.
5. We quickly shake off ungodly things that try to attach themselves to us. There is a story in Acts twenty-eight that illustrates this beautifully. Paul was helping to gather sticks for a fire. As he reached down to pick up a stick, a snake attached itself to his hand. Paul did not spend the next hours talking about the snake, showing the snake to others, or playing around with the snake. Paul quickly shook the snake off as if to say, “No, you will not be a part of me.”  Paul had a snake handling ministry and so must we! Shake off a negative attitude. Shake off a gossiping tongue. Shake off offense. Shake off immorality. The snake (Satan) will try to attach to you. Do not allow it.

Growth should not be considered optional in a believer’s life. God has greater plans for our relationship with Him. To grow, we must have nourishment from God’s Word, and to become strong, we need the exercise of obedience. 

Spiritual maturity does not happen automatically as we grow older. Growth is not measured by a calendar or grey hairs. Spiritual growth is not instantaneous. Don’t compare yourself to someone else. God works in each individual. Some people grow rapidly, while others grow slowly, but steadily. Day by day, walk with Him, obey Him, worship Him. Spiritual growth is possible for every believer, and it can start today. Come grow with me!

It is hard to believe that on June 26, 2025, Gaylon Benton and I will have been married for fifty-four years. That is a long time to be married – long enough to remember when we had no gray hair (or had hair), no money, no children, no grandchildren, no money, no pastoral experience, no money, no cellulite, no … fifty-four years is a long time.

Recently, I was pondering the thought of how easy it is to take my husband for granted. I have been blessed to be married to a wonderful, godly man. Gaylon still does his best to help me with so many things, even things I can do without him. I have found myself not saying thank you for so many of those things because I am accustomed to having him do them for me. I am trying to be more conscientious about saying thank you when I see his hands at work on my behalf.

Today’s world is a pretty negative world. There is so much division and complaining. If I am not careful, it is easy for me to fall prey to a negative spirit. Yet, I have so much for which to be grateful.

Never do I want to take God for granted, especially when I see His hands at work on my behalf. I say thank You, Lord God, thank You!

1. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. “He walks with me, and He talks with me, and He tells me I am His own. The joy we share, as we tarry there, none other has ever known.”
2. I have a roof over my head, a warm place to sleep, and more food than I could possibly eat in the next month.
3. I thank God for the friends He has placed in my life, friends who walk alongside me in times of trouble and laugh with me when I am rejoicing.
4. I thank God for the gift of prayer. “What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear.”
5. Thanks be to God who has brought me through the hard, very hard places in life.
6. I thank God for a fresh start. I have failed so many times, and God gives me a new day to start again.
7. I thank God for worship that ushers me into His presence, often a presence that is as if He is right there in person.
8. God gives me hope, and I am so grateful He does. When circumstances seem hopeless, I am thankful that there is always hope in the Name of Jesus.
9. I am thankful for the air I breathe. My lungs are filled with the air provided by God.
10. Today, I am thankful for the mercy of God that has been extended to me.

I could write pages on that for which I thank God. As I sat today and pondered the goodness of God, my heart was flooded with endless gratitude. He has been faithful and good to me.

May I ask you to join me in a challenge? From now until Easter, which is April 20, practice thanksgiving all through the day. Thank God all through the day. Thank your family. Thank your friends. Thank the clerk in the store. Thank your child’s teacher. When you are ready to blast someone on social media or complain, write thanks.

“In everything give thanks!”

Perhaps, you are in a hard place and wonder, “How can I thank God when life is so hard, when my dreams have died, when those close to me have left, or when I have more month than money?”

Truly, I understand those questions. Years ago, when my husband and I had our hearts crushed, I did not feel like praising God through the pain. It is hard to have a heart of thanksgiving during those moments in life. You might be there right now. Let me assure you that as long as you are breathing and have a heartbeat, there are things for which to be thankful. This comes from the pen of one whose heart has been crushed and stomped upon by life.

The power for thanking God in difficult circumstances comes from focusing on what we have, not what we have lost. It is a “sacrifice of praise.” Join me from now until Easter in counting blessings. How long has it been since you sat down and counted your blessings? There is power in giving thanks.

Count your blessings, name them one by one;
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!

“I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing the praises of your name, O Most High.” – Psalm 9:1-2

Prayer

Father, I give thanks. Thank You for your endless gifts and love. Help me to see your hand in both the big and small moments of life, and to be grateful for Your constant presence. Help me to practice gratitude to You, to those around me, and on social media. Amen.

Gaylon and I set out on our trip to Baton Rouge to visit my son’s family. We are mostly around grandsons, but now we would be spending the next few days with giggly, energetic, jewelry-loving, makeup-loving girls. Quite different from the young guys we see more often.

We stopped in Meridian, Mississippi to refuel our car and get coffee to sip along the way. Glorious coffee! Can I get an amen!

While preparing my coffee, I began to hear loud shouting which soon elevated to ear-piercing levels. I turned to see what was happening. A customer stood at the counter telling the worker how to prepare the sandwich she was ordering. Let’s call the worker Bev.  Bev explained to the woman that in order to get certain items on the sandwich, there would be an upcharge. This made the customer livid.

Within a matter of seconds, the customer began to scream at Bev in an extremely loud voice. The people in the store stopped in their tracks and placed their attention on the episode happening at the sandwich counter. The customer got so loud and so angry that, like others, I wondered if it would become a physical altercation. The language being used by the customer was so vulgar, so demeaning, and so hurtful.

After a couple of minutes of rage, the customer stormed off, leaving Bev quite shaken. There were others waiting for food and no one said a word. Though I was not getting food myself, I stepped up to the counter and said to Bev, “I am so sorry she spoke to you that way. You did not deserve that. Thanks for trying to do your job.”  Bev, who was still shaken, looked at me and said, “Thank you.”  She then burst into tears. No one else said a word to Bev.

The customer wanted what she wanted, and did not care how she treated Bev or how uncomfortable she made the rest of the people. Kindness was nowhere to be found.

Life is full of situations where we have to interact with other people, and we are presented with a choice: how are we going to treat them? Even as believers, kindness may not be the response we care to give to someone, and at times, kindness might require a sacrifice of our own instinct to tell it like it is. I don’t know about you, but I can testify that words laced with grace and kindness are not always the first things that come to my mind! Sometimes, kindness requires a little extra energy from us, however kindness is worth whatever it costs.

Kindness is something for which our world is desperate. With growing fears and anxieties, everyone could use a kind word or gesture. As Christians, God calls us to be the light in the world. The scripture has many verses dealing with how we treat others.

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. – Ephesians 4:32. “A man who is kind benefits himself, but a cruel man hurts himself. – Proverbs 11:17.

Unfortunately, not everyone will treat us with the kindness and consideration for which we hope. In fact, dealing with difficult people is a part of life. Even though we cannot control how they act or treat us, we get to choose how we treat them.

Today, when that customer treats you rudely, be kind. (Bev never lost her cool. I was impressed!) When that store clerk is moving a little too slowly for you, be kind. When your spouse does something that gets on your last nerve, be kind. When someone aggravates you on a social media post, be kind.

I do not know what situation you will face in life today that makes you want to scream or talk down to someone. What I do know is that the Holy Spirit is willing to help us use grace-filled words instead of the first ones that pop into our brains.

May we all pre-decide that because of the lavish great kindness that Jesus has shown to us, we will abundantly pour out kindness to others. We can choose words that will not leave the bitter taste of regret in our mouths, and deep wounds in the hearts of others. Let’s be a rainbow to someone else’s cloud.

Prayer: Lord, I ask you to cultivate the fruit of kindness in my life. Teach me to see others through your eyes and to respond to their needs with compassion and grace. Let my words be uplifting and my actions reflect your love. Help me to be a light in a world that often feels cold and unkind. I want to point others to your goodness through the kindness I show! Please help my life bring honor to you as I strive to follow your example. Amen

Don’t we all love a happy ending in a story? Remember as children when we would read about the prince rescuing the damsel in distress? The story would always end, “…and they lived happily ever after.”  Hallmark movies are a great example. In those movies, generally the couple who were destined to be together find each other, and they live happily ever after.

Wouldn’t it be nice if life were always “happily ever after?” I have turned to my husband more than once and said, “We need our life to be a Hallmark movie, then everything would work out perfectly!”

Today marks thirteen years that we got a call that took our breath away, an almost paralyzing call. Our son Bryan had suddenly died. No warning. No time for a hug. No time to say goodbye. Just a call to say that Bryan was gone. “Can I have a different story, Lord? Can we rewrite the ending so that it says, and Bryan lived happily ever after?”

Here is the thing about “happily ever after” stories. They are fiction. We might see the couple get together, or someone gets the exact job they wanted. What we do not see is that happily ever after will include broken dreams, unexpected turns in the road, and even the death of loved ones.

The reality is we do not live happily ever after….in this life. Life has trials and heartaches along the way. Sometimes in our story, divorces happen, bankruptcy comes, natural disasters occur, friends walk away.

Thank God for the joys we get to experience on earth. It is normal that as people we want to be happy, and that we hope for happily ever after. We will experience times of happiness while living on earth. I am grateful that I have experienced a good marriage, having children and grandchildren, traveling the nation as a speaker, having many wonderful friends. Thank God for times of earthly happiness, but the older I get, the more I long for “happily ever after.”  That will come one day when I cross over into eternal life, leaving behind the broken life of earth.

As believers in Jesus Christ, we must always be mindful that we are simply pilgrims walking through this earth. This is not our final home. Hebrews 11:13 and First Peter 2:11 remind us that we are sojourners, people who live in a place temporarily.

The story of Barbara is still being written, but I am confident of the ending. The end of my story will be, “She lived happily ever after.” I will be spending eternity with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Because I trusted Jesus as my Savior, when I leave this temporary home on earth, my address will change to the streets of gold in heaven where I will live happily ever after!

I wish I could promise you that everything will work out like you desire. Of course, I cannot! What I can promise you is that if you know Jesus as your Savior and Lord, you will live happily ever after.

It will be worth it all, when we see Jesus,
Life’s trials will seem so small when we see Christ.
One glimpse of His dear face, all sorrow will erase,
So, bravely run the race, till we see Christ!“

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared. And the sea was also gone. And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them, He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” – Revelation 21:1-4

“Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.” The Lord answered, “I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites. – Judges 6:15-16

Let me begin with a joke about the man who went to his psychiatrist, and when the doctor asked him what had prompted his visit, the man said, “I am suffering from an inferiority complex.”  During the subsequent few visits, the psychiatrist put his new patient through a battery of tests and finally came the long-awaited diagnosis. 

The doctor called the man and asked him to return to the clinic for a consultation. Upon arrival at the clinic, the doctor seated the patient before him and said, “I have some interesting news for you.”  The patient eagerly waited and asked, “What is it?”  The doctor said, “It is not a complex. You are inferior.”

For way too many years of my life, I had an inferiority complex that was off the charts. My self-doubt thwarted most things I wanted to do or tried to do. My vision of life was very skewed. I genuinely thought I was inferior to other people.

At the ripe old age of seventy-three, I throw up my hands to the God who helped me overcome self-doubt and a deep-seeded inferiority complex that began when I started elementary school. Up until that point, I did not realize I was poor, a bit unclean, and in a highly dysfunctional home.

I literally can still picture my first day in the first grade. When my name was called and the teacher asked me to come to the front of the room, I proudly walked the aisle. I thought I was like everyone else. It did not take long to realize that I was not like most of the other kids. I did not dress as well, smell as good, or have kindergarten under my belt like so many others did. (In those days, kindergarten was only for those whose parents could afford to send them.)

Through elementary school, my classmates would talk about going to the dentist or going on vacation. I had nothing to say. I had never done either of those things. When class officers were chosen, I was never on the list. Safety patrol was a coveted position, and I so wanted to wear the sash adorned with a big silver badge. Nope, more popular kids were appointed to the position. I watched my classmates get invited to the prom, but never was I invited. In high school, I did get up the nerve to audition to be a class speaker for senior chapel. I was not chosen. A girl I knew was on the committee, and she said something like this to me, “We thought you did okay, but some thought you didn’t look the part.” Without a doubt, I was definitely second class.

Even into my adult years, I looked at other pastors’ wives, and I felt inferior. I could not play the piano like they could, well, actually I could not play at all. A church was interested in my husband being their pastor, but when they found out I could not play the piano, they were no longer interested. I was an inferior wife for a pastor. Gaylon surely married the wrong person.

Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever felt like an afterthought? Have you ever felt like others have so much on the ball, but not you? If so, you are not alone!

I began this blog with verses telling the story of a man named Gideon who thought of himself as inferior to everyone, even members of his own family. When God first called Gideon, Gideon was fearful and felt totally inadequate. Yet, Gideon became a mighty warrior who rescued God’s people. What a great story to remind us that God understands our doubts and fears. He uses our weaknesses to lead us to depend on Him, and then we experience His strength.

There are quite a few stories in scripture of people who felt inadequate. Moses. Jeremiah. Esther. The woman with the issue of blood. Yet, God gave each of them the power to overcome a negative self-image, change their lives, and to be mightily used by Him.

I can be listed among those who felt unloved, not gifted, an afterthought.

BUT GOD!!!!!! That is my testimony, BUT GOD! At the ripe age of seventy-three, I can testify of God’s overcoming power. I am His child. I am gifted by Him. He has used me. He does love me.

Today, I feel a bit like the disciple named John. Read his gospel. He constantly referred to himself as “the one Jesus loved.”  That is a bit humorous to me that John would refer to himself that way. Some say he would not use his own name out of humility. Maybe, but not much humility in calling yourself the one Jesus loved! Instead, in his writing, John showed us that he was confident of the Savior’s love for him.

Often, our mind starts playing a reel about how we are not enough. All of us face that from time to time. May I tell you something life-changing? When the negative self-image begins to weigh on you, quickly counter it by saying your name followed by the words “the one Jesus loves.” Do that all through the day. It is life-changing.

Yep, like many of you, I have had quite a few rough spots in life, quite a bit of rejection. I can let those moments become my identity, but I refuse to do that. But, let me tell you who I am today, let me tell you my true identity. I am Barbara Benton, the one Jesus loves. Who are you?

Recently, I walked into the gym wearing a sweatshirt with the words “even if” Daniel 3:18.  I began pumping away on the elliptical, only to feel a tap on my shoulder. I removed my ear pods, so I could hear what the gentleman wanted to say to me.

He asked, “Can you tell me what that shirt means?”

I proceeded to explain that it is a story in the Bible about three men who lived their Godly values and refused to bow when asked to compromise. The men were about to be thrown to sure death in a fiery furnace. The actual event is recorded in Daniel chapter three.

^“Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver usfrom Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” – Daniel 3:16-18

The man nodded his head, thanked me, and walked away.

I have no idea what impact the story had on the man’s life, but I was happy to share the Word of God. I was also happy to demonstrate the story by openly sharing my faith even if the man did not like the story.

The shirt is also a reminder to me, that even when walking with God, I will find myself in challenging circumstances. I want to live an “even if” Christian life. I want to be a woman who trusts God no matter what and walks in His peace and not in my panic.

On this earth, we are prone to worry, and prone to ask “what if” this happens? “What if” things do not turn around? “What if” nothing changes? God invites us to a life of supernatural peace that changes “what if” to “even if.” Remember that if your “what if” happens, God will bring you through it.

Join me in being an “even if” child of God. Stand with God “even if” you do not see healing manifested on this side of heaven. Stand with God “even if” you did not receive the job for which you applied. Stand with God “even if” persecuted for His sake. Stand with God “even if” that child is still living a wayward lifestyle. Stand with God “even if”.

Prayer: “Father, I know that in this life there will be times of testing. I ask You for miracles, but today I declare, “Even if” things do not happen as I desire, I will trust You. Thank You for Your presence that guides me through everything I face. I will not surrender to the fear of “what if” but I stand in the faith of “even if.”  Amen.

If you have read Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, you will find many stories of the life and ministry of Jesus. Other than the resurrection, there is only one miracle that all the Gospel writers record, and that is the feeding of the five thousand.

In reading the account of the feeding of the five thousand in John’s record, there is a verse that stands out to me. “Then Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up. ‘There is a young boy here with five barley loaves and two fish. But what good is it anyway with this huge crowd?’” – John 6:8-9

When Andrew saw what could be offered for Jesus to use, he pretty much asked, “What good are these anyway? Have you ever asked that question or thought that question?

• What good is it to keep praying for my child when nothing seems to change?
• What good is it to give food to the hungry when they come back over and over?
• What good is it to put gas in the car of a single mother when her needs are much greater than gasoline?
• What good is it to be honest when I see so many dishonest people prosper?
• What good is it to present the plan of salvation, when so many reject it?
• What good is it to continue to offer a helping hand when the needs are so much greater than I can meet?
• What good is it to stay sexually pure when everyone else seems contented living any way they wish?
• What good is it to pray when nothing seems to change?
• What good is it to be hope-filled when current events show so much hopelessness?

It is so easy to ask, “What good is it anyway?”

BUT…I read to the end of the story. The story ends with Jesus taking the little that was offered to Him, and with it, He did much. No one fathomed that the little would do so much when placed into the hands of Jesus. Everyone was fed and there were even carryout baskets!

God delights in making much out of little. He loves to defy human reasoning, so that when things happen, it is evident that God’s power is the only explanation. The scripture is filled with stories of God’s power using little to make much. As the old song says, “Little is much when God is in it!” Even though we see examples of this truth throughout Scripture, we often fail to trust it personally. 

Perhaps you have the same question as Andrew. What good is this little anyway? We cannot begin to fathom what God will do with the things we entrust to Him. We have just entered a fresh new year. What a great time to pray this prayer. Join me.

Jesus, I do not feel like I have much to offer, but I offer what I do have. I offer a voice of prayer, hands to serve, hope to give, blessings to the needy, and a witness to the lost. I ask You to take the few resources that I do have, as small at they might seem in my eyes. I place myself, my gifts, my resources, and my faithfulness in your hands. Lead me in places for your Name’s sake. Multiply what I offer and let it change lives for Your glory. Let this be a year of multiplication in my life that will enlarge the Kingdom of God. Amen.