Integrity Matters

Reuben Gonzales was in the final match of a pro racquetball tournament. In the fourth and final game, Gonzales made a super kill shot into the front wall to win the game. The referee called it good. Two linesmen affirmed that the shot was in. But Gonzales, after a moment’s hesitation, turned around, shook his opponent’s hand, and declared that his shot had hit the floor first. As a result, he lost the match and walked off the court. Everybody was stunned. They could not believe that a player with victory in hand disqualified himself at match point and lost! When asked why he did it, Reuben said, “It was the only thing that I could do to maintain my integrity. I could always win another match, but I could never regain my lost integrity.” 

I have often pondered the word integrity. As a Christian, integrity is especially important in my life. There was a time in my Christian walk that I was a bit loosey-goosey when it was convenient for me. Today, I can truly say that I do not want to confess one thing and live another. Integrity is sorely lacking in our world.

With twenty-four-hour news available to us and more social media posts than I care to think about, there is a constant churning out of stories of people doing things which show a lack of integrity. Who can forget the scandal of musical duo Milli Vanilli passing off recordings of songs that were not even their voices? Politicians are accused of taking bribes, lying, cheating, and sexual misconduct. Priests and pastors are suspected of abusing children or leading a hidden life of immorality. I recently read the story of a church deacon arrested for killing another driver in a case of road rage. It can make a person wonder if there are any people of integrity anymore.

My heart has been grieved and deeply troubled by the growing number of well-known ministers who have fallen because of a lack of integrity. They were people who were very gifted and adored by thousands and thousands. It matters not how gifted a man or woman of God is if there is a lack of integrity in their behind-the-scenes life. This is true for those in the pulpit and those on the pew.

I make an appeal to all of us to bow at the altar of God, ask for a cleansing, and commit ourselves to walk in integrity. People should be able to look at our lives and witness a standard of God’s morals and character. As believers, we should be who we declare we are not just in words, but in behavior, actions, and lifestyle, and walking in Christlikeness.

“Integrity may not always offer the quickest path to fame or riches, but it offers the path that leads to blessings, not just for you, but for those around you too. The blessing of being a person of integrity is the blessing of being the person you were created to be, being the person God wants you to be, and being the person the world needs you to be. –  Dr. Brian Koning

Brothers and sisters, integrity matters.

“The Lord is more pleased when we do what is right and just than when we offer him sacrifices.” – Proverbs 21:3

Do You Ever Feel Alone, Afraid, Or Overwhelmed?

Is there a lot going on in the world around us, a lot of hard stuff, frightening stuff, dark-filled stuff? Your response might be, “That is a very dumb question!”

Gaylon and I pray together every day. We come humbly thanking God for His goodness, His blessings, and His sustaining power in our lives. When the time to bring petitions to the Lord comes, we have quite a lengthy list of people for whom we have agreed to pray. We also pray for a country that I believe to be in perilous times. We ask for divine intervention in our lives and in our country.

Occasionally, I look at the prayer list, and I get a bit overwhelmed. It is so easy to get bogged down with the enormity of the needs. Cancer. Alzheimer’s. Parkinson’s Disease. Families facing autism. Broken families. Those who have recently lost loved ones. A move of God in our churches, our families, and our land.

I think David often felt that way. No writing of David better expresses the depth of emotions when facing a dark time than does Psalm 13. It might very well be the deepest of pits that David endured.

O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
    How long will you look the other way?
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
    with sorrow in my heart every day?
    How long will my enemy have the upper hand?

Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
    Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
    Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.

But I trust in your unfailing love.
    I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
I will sing to the Lord
    because he is good to me. – Psalm 13 (NLT)

The writings of David in Psalm 13 and other Psalms are very revelatory. David’s psalms are a journal of sorts as he reveals what was on his mind. David did not act like he was never afraid, never rattled, never angry, nor exempt from trouble. Yet David also journals something over and over – the goodness of God.

In times of trouble, he reminds himself of the characteristics of the God to whom he belongs. He trusts God, gives thanks to Him, and praises Him. He tells of His wonders. He lists a number of things that he can count on God to do, even if it appears on the face of it that the enemy is strong. The statements he makes are expressions of faith, not descriptions of what he sees around him. Often what started off as how tough life is, ended with shouts of praise!

What a great spiritual habit to develop. While your brain is listing all your troubles and trials, let your mouth and pen list all the wonderful traits of the God to whom you belong. Write your own psalm to and about God. As I pray over my list of worries and cares, I am going to stop periodically along the way and proclaim the goodness of God, the power of God, and the trustworthiness of God.

That is faith building. Just ask a guy named David!

My First Love

Recently, I read a story about a newly married couple. One of their favorite pastimes was to go for a drive in their truck in the evenings.  The husband would get in the driver’s seat and the wife would sit in the middle of the bench seat, sitting as close to her man as she could.  In order to have quiet time from the activities of life, they took this evening drive frequently.

A few years went by, and they kept up the routine of the drive, perhaps more out of habit than anything else.  But as time went by, the wife slowly inched away from sitting close to her husband. Eventually, she completely stopped sliding over next to her husband at all.  Instead, she would just climb in and sit in the passenger seat.

One day she said, “I miss the days when we were so in love that we were inseparable and cuddled close.” The husband replied, “I never moved.”

Recently, I realized that I had slipped away from my closeness with God. Oh, I was saved. I prayed prayers every day, although rather perfunctory at times. One night as I was tossing in my bed unable to sleep, I felt troubled. As I lay in the darkness, I asked God, “Why don’t I feel You like I once did?” I know feelings are not the basis of my walk with God, but there are those times, when I realize that my relationship with God is suffering.

The year 2024 has not been a dream year for our family. We have faced the death of a brother, a brother-in-law, and a niece who faced a hard battle with ALS. Another sibling is battling memory issues, and another has had so many medical issues. I could list other burdens, but you get the picture. Life gets extremely hard.

Whether intentional or unintentional, I began to scoot across the seat from God. It was not all at once, but little by little. I was a restless, careless drifter from the presence of God. That night in bed in a darkened room, I decided that things were going to change starting the next day.

Revelation 2:1-7 addresses the issue of “scooting across the seat” as believers. Jesus spoke to the Church at Ephesus. He commended them for all the work they were doing and all the evil they were shunning. In reading those verses, it is almost as if Jesus is saying, “Thanks for all you stand for and all you are doing in my Name. However, it is YOU that I long for. You no longer love me as you once did. I miss you cuddling right up next to me.”

Jesus did not say that the Ephesians had lost first love, but that they had left first love, had forsaken first love. They were still in church. They were still doing good deeds. They were still standing for righteousness. They were “good” Christians. As admirable as all of that is, the heart of Jesus said, “I miss YOU.”

Rick Renner stated it this way, “As we walk with the Lord, there is always a danger that as each of us grows older in our spiritual walk and become more structured, polished, refined, and doctrinally developed, we will slowly start to forfeit the zeal and spiritual fire we once possessed. What we once held as precious tends to seem routine over time, and as we become accustomed to God’s precious Spirit in our lives, too often we unintentionally begin to simply “traffic” in the things of God.”

The morning after my wrestling in my bed, I remembered the words of Revelation chapter two. Jesus gave a formula for restoring first love: Remember. Repent. Redo.

  1. Remember. I have often been known to break out in a song while teaching the Word of God in a conference. Quite often that song is, “If you could see where Jesus brought me from to the place I am today, then you would know the reason why I love my Jesus so.”  I remember what a mess I was when Jesus took me in His arms. He forgave every sin. I remember how Jesus Christ healed the trauma, confusion, and anger I was carrying. Remembering caused me to rekindle first love. It would do us all well to pay a visit to the foot of the cross on a regular basis. Oh, what a Savior!
  2. Repent. I knelt in the presence of God and repented of allowing so many things to rob my time with Him. I repented of the attitudes and ugliness that had taken over my tongue, at times. I asked Him to forgive me. It is easy to ask forgiveness for what we call the major sins. Yet, I think it is the attitudinal things of the heart that trip us up most. Lord, I repent. Forgive me.
  3. Redo. What did I do when I first understood this Savior of mine? I began to worship on a daily basis. I would play worship music, singing at the top of my lungs, while cleaning my house, and handling the normal things of life. I invited Him into everything. I praised Him through all things. His praise was ever on my lips. I began to practice the presence of God from early morning and through the day.

I purposed in my heart that I would set aside no less than thirty minutes each day to read, sing, pray, and slip across the seat and get closer to God. In a matter of days, the difference was undeniable. U-N-D-E-N-I-A-B-L-E. I found that the time with Him got longer and longer because I did not want to leave His presence.

Is it possible that you have slipped across the seat from God? Has your relationship with Him become mundane? Today, God is simply saying, “Draw close to Me, and I will draw close to you.”  I am so glad to serve a God who is more interested in my relationship with Him than keeping a tab of all I am doing for Him.

As I write this, my own heart is stirred once more to stay close to God. Is God calling to You today to scoot across the seat? Remember. Repent. Redo. He awaits you.

“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.” – James 4:8

My Beautiful Ugly Scars

If each of us had a long time to talk and share our lives based on our scars, we would hear many stories, stories of pain. From a fleshly vision point, we often think of our scars as being ugly. After all, we are in a world where beauty and youth are worshiped.

Let me share a few stories of scars that I have on my body.

The largest scar that I have is several inches long and is on my abdomen. It is not pretty, believe me! Though it is a bit unsightly, there are times the scar beckons me to gaze at it and recall why I have that scar. When I was forty-four years old, I was suddenly faced with a frightening diagnosis. After examinations, an MRI that lasted thirty minutes, blood tests, and a long talk with my doctor, he told me that tests seem to indicate that I had ovarian cancer. Surgery would be required, and a surgical oncologist would accompany the doctor. The oncologist would take over after the tumor was removed and stage the disease.

There were more mind battles during that period of time than I care to think about or describe. Yes, I am a Christian believer, but that does not inoculate me against the battlefield of the mind.

Miraculously, a large tumor was removed, and to the doctor’s shock, it was benign. There had been much prayer, even prayers of relinquishment that God would have His way no matter the report. I wanted Him to be glorified.

Today, nearly thirty years later, God has blessed me with a good life, flowing with the river of His presence, filled with a new generation of Bentons known as grandchildren, and a ministry of teaching His Word.

Yes, the scar is ugly, but oh the scar is beautiful! It reminds me of that period of time when God was present even when I had no idea of the outcome. God was with me!

I also have a scar that I wish I did not have. It is on my nose, right between my eyes. As a young child, a sibling threw an empty vegetable can and hit me on the nose. Where the can had been opened was sharp, and that part hit me causing an ugly gash. Had I been taken to the emergency room for stitches, the scar would not be so prominent for all to see. There was no money in the budget for that!

Occasionally, the scar on my nose will catch my eye, and I am reminded of my childhood. Even though the cut at the time was painful, my childhood was much more painful. I have often shared my scars from childhood, not to get attention, not to get pity, but to speak of the healing power of Jesus Christ. While my wound on my nose was visible at the time, and my scar is visible now, my childhood wounds were rarely if ever visible. The years of abuse that my siblings and I endured were so hard. They deeply wounded my young heart and robbed me of innocence and joy. That nose scar represents years of tears and sorrow, but that scar epitomizes that God can give beauty for ashes. He can turn mourning into dancing.

Were those days hard? Indescribably hard. BUT … I love that scar now. I had no idea that the God who created the universe, would make me a new creation over time. Those internal wounds from childhood are now internal scars showing that healing has occurred! I share those unseen scars with others. I want to be a herald of the good news that Jesus not only saves, but He also heals emotional damage and restores new life to dead places.

My scars represent more than the presence of a previous wound. They represent healing. They represent new life. They represent miracles. They represent God at work in hopeless times. They represent God’s provision.

What scars are you carrying today? Stare at them and remember what God has brought you through. That same God will bring you through what you are facing today.

It would be nice not to have scars on this fleshly body of mine, especially the highly visible one between my eyes. But, oh the stories behind the wounds that are now healed. Thank God for my beautiful ugly scars!

“…I will give them a crown of beauty instead of ashes. I will give them the oil of joy instead of sorrow, and a spirit of praise instead of a spirit of no hope. Then they will be called oaks that are right with God, planted by the Lord, that He may be honored.” – Isaiah 61:3

Negotiating With Jesus

I am blessed to married to a good and godly man for fifty-three years. His name is Gaylon, also known as my boyfriend. Gaylon is quite a negotiator. There was a time when a person could negotiate with the salesperson when buying a vehicle. Gaylon was a master negotiator. He wanted the car, but he wanted it on his terms. If the salespeople offered a certain amount, he would offer several thousand dollars below that. At times, I have looked at him like, “Are you crazy?” It is amazing how much he has saved on vehicles through the years, because he negotiated until he got what he wanted with the terms that pleased him.

There is a story in scripture of a young man who kind of wanted to negotiate with Jesus. He wanted eternal life, but he wanted it on his terms. We know him as the rich young ruler, and his story is found in Matthew 19:16-22.

If we are honest with ourselves, we have to admit we are pretty selective about how we view Jesus. We often pick and choose the images of Jesus that appeal to us and make us feel good. Just prior to this story are verses where children are brought to Jesus, and He blesses them. One’s mind cannot help but picture a sweet scene where Jesus is laughing with the children and then pronouncing a blessing on them.

Right after that we see a side of Jesus as the uncompromising negotiator. He does not change the scripture or truth so He can add another follower. This Jesus can seem too radical, too firm to suit our tastes. Jesus wanted the truth to be unmistakable, and Jesus is known for powerful, unvarnished truth-telling.

The young man walked up to Jesus and asked Him, “What must I do to inherit eternal life?”  Jesus answered the young man by saying and naming several of the ten commandments. The man replied that he had kept all these commandments since he was a youth. He was proud of his good works.

The Gospel of Mark tells us something very important: Looking at the man, Jesus felt genuine love for him. “There is still one thing you haven’t done,” he told him. “Go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” – Mark 10:21

It is important to know that Jesus loved the man. The conversation Jesus had for him was not snippy or controlling. Jesus spoke the truth in love, but He spoke the truth. He wanted the young man to know that following Jesus it is not about rule following and trying to earn one’s way to heaven. It is about a life that is totally surrendered to Jesus Christ. It is about following Jesus, not about following rules.

The rich young ruler was upset, sad, and walked away. “Jesus, I want to follow You, but only if I can do it on my terms.”  Dearly beloved, is there anything, any hindrance, that you are unwilling to give up to follow Jesus? You may not be wealthy, but if there is something that inteferes with total surrender to Jesus, laying it down is a vital part of following the Master. He must have your all. And he calls gently to you: “Come, follow me.”

There is much negotiating in the Church today. We want to make people feel good about the love of God, but not teach what following Christ means. There, I said it! The Bible tells us that the man walked away sad, rather than lay down the thing that Jesus said to lay down. Jesus did not run after the young man and say, “Wait a minute. What will it take to get you to follow me? I’m sure we can come up with a solution that works for you and me.”  Jesus stood firm in truth.

When we read this man’s story, it beckons us to ask ourselves: What part of my life am I unwilling to give up in order to follow Jesus? What do I love more than I love Him? Following Jesus costs us everything, but we gain far more than we ever give up.

The entirety of our lives must be submitted to His lordship. Do not turn away sad like the rich young ruler. Joyfully lay down anything that stops you from a life following Him. It is not a negotiation.

“Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me. 25 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?” – Matthew 16:24-26 NLT

God, I’m Tired Of Being In “just Nazareth?”

Do you ever feel you are in “just Nazareth?

Jesus faithfully served at home in Nazareth for thirty years before being released into the call of God on His life. Nazareth was…“just Nazareth.” It was no special place. The city of Nazareth was a small and insignificant agricultural village in the time of Jesus. It had no trade routes and was of little economic importance. It is believed that the population never exceeded five hundred while Jesus lived there. It was “just Nazareth.”

In “just Nazareth,” Jesus most likely learned to be a carpenter’s helper since his earthy father Joseph was a carpenter. He learned to live in a family and what it means to care for those in the household. He learned to submit to parental authority. He learned how to be around regular, everyday folks. He learned to do life. It was not wasted time.

When the time came, God said, “You have completed this assignment, and now it is time to move from “just Nazareth.”  Jesus was released and went about doing the work for which He was born, and He fulfilled His purpose.

From the time I felt God calling me to teach His Word, both at home and around the country, until that actually happened was quite a stretch of years. At the time, it seemed like it would never happen and was just a dream. During that time, God taught me so much from His Word, from other speakers, and from my local congregation. I learned how to be submissive to those who were in charge of meetings to which I was invited. I learned that God wanted to purify my heart. I needed maturity. I needed a servant’s heart.

We all have times we feel we are in “just Nazareth,” but rest assured that God uses these places to prepare us for our divine destiny. Never despise “just Nazareth.”

“The Lord will work out his plans for my life…” – Psalm 138:8

Can Faith And Fear Coexist?

Recently, I have seen discussions on faith and fear. Some declare that faith and fear cannot coexist. Others say that fear is a sin. There were those who rebuked any believer who had fear, saying it should never be in the life of God’s people.

Can faith and fear live together in the Christian? Yes, yes, and yes. Faith and fear are not mutually exclusive. Fear is one of the enemy’s most popular weapons that he uses against us. Worry, anxiety, and fear can overwhelm us with a thick shadow of darkness, controlling our every move and decision.

I often hear Christians rebuked when they struggle with fear and faith. Perhaps a challenging circumstance has entered life, a circumstance that could be long-term or with an unclear ending. Since the person is a believer, they pray and ask God’s intervention, and have faith that He will do just that. Yet, all through the day, those circumstances scream, “You will not come out of this! It’s over! This is going to end badly for you! There is no hope it will turn around.”  Fear has raised its head.

That believer is experiencing both faith and fear.

My home is designed with a split bedroom plan. The master bedroom is on one end of the house, and the two guest rooms are on the other end. Between those two guest rooms is a hallway, so one can walk to either room, and one can easily walk back and forth between the two rooms.

Faith and fear are like those two bedrooms, with a hallway in between. Let’s name one of the rooms fear and one of the rooms faith. There are times I find myself in the fear room, and there are times I find myself in the faith room. The question is, “Where will I abide?”

Many years ago, the doctor informed me that it was more likely than not that I had ovarian cancer, and it had spread to nearby lymph nodes. To say we were shocked would be an understatement. Surgery would be done two weeks later, and an oncologist would be present to see how many organs were affected. That was a loooooong two weeks!

Many times, during those two weeks, my emotions would draw me into the fear room. It was a dark room. As a believer, I had to make a choice to walk the hallway to the room of faith. Where would my residency be? Could I trust God that He had my life in His hands?

It became an epic battle to take my mind and body out of the room of fear, enter the hallway and walk over to faith. I did that more times than I can count. It was a constant battle of the mind. It was not until the morning of the surgery that I felt perfect faith that God was in control of the situation. Notice I did not say that God told me how it would turn out, but that God reassured me that I was in His hands.

Every believer must exercise hallway faith. All of us will have situations where the ending is uncertain. Fear will invite you to take up residence in its room.  Over and over, you will be faced with the choice of entering the hallway to walk in faith. Do it! No matter how many times fear beckons you to come and dwell in its room, enter the hallway! There is peace in the hallway! There is faith in the hallway! There is God’s will in the situation once we choose to enter the hallway and trust God!

God does not lose faith in you when you are fearful. Peter left his fishing boat to follow Jesus. Things got tough for the followers of Jesus as the crucifixion neared. Peter had enough faith to leave his boat to follow Jesus but operated in total fear when confronted about being a disciple. Because of fear, Peter denied our Lord. God did not give up on Peter. Later in the book of Acts, that same man who had been fearful, stood and preached a powerful message, resulting in three thousand salvations.

Transformation happens when we enter the hallway of faith. We conquer fear!

What are you facing today that seems overwhelming? Fight for faith. Choosing not to allow fear and anxiety to control us is not always easy, and it often comes down to a choice. Enter the hallway today! God will meet you in the hallway and give you the strength to walk into the room of faith. You are more than a conqueror!

“What time I am afraid, I will trust in You.” – Psalm 56:3

Propaganda Pheromone – What’s That?

I was born in the South, raised in the South, educated in the South (yes, we actually know how to do that), went to college in the South, got married in the South, raised a family in the South, and will be buried in the South! I am not complaining. I love the southern way of life.

If you live in the South and you want to refer to a group of people, you will say “y’all.” Here in the South, a shopping cart is called a “buggy.” If someone tells you to “mash the button” that simply means that you need to press the button. “Cut off the light” means to turn it off. “Pull the door to” means to close the door. Those that are “fixin’ to” do something means they are about to do it. My southern husband of many years likes his tea extra sweet. In the South, college football fills Saturdays in the fall while good bar-be-cue is served. Yum!

While I do love living in the South, there is one thing in particular I dislike – bugs and insects. We can have roaches about the size of a small skateboard, scorpions that give a healthy sting, spiders that love to visit your home, and ants, ants, and more ants. Having lived in several southern states, I’ve experienced all of the insects I listed and then some. At the present time, the main pests we encounter in our home are ants.

Ants are always on the search for a tasty food source, and when they find one, they let their friends and family know where to go for dinner! The way the ant communicates is to emit a scent known as a pheromone. They leave it all along the trail and then the other ants know where to head and the exact path to take. Now you know why you see a trail of ants from the back door to the garbage can, up the garbage can, and even into the garbage can. (Been there, saw that!) It is fascinating to watch a video of how quickly that pheromone trail develops.

Ants can also emit an alarm pheromone when they are in danger. If you see an ant bed outside and you step on it, thousands of ants begin to feverishly crawl about and even crawl on top of each other trying to locate the disturbance and stop it.

To me, the most fascinating of all the pheromones is the propaganda pheromone. Certain species of ants rely on stealing larvae from other ant species. They raid colonies and spray massive amounts of propaganda alarm pheromones. The deceptive pheromones overwhelm the attacked colony workers, and their alarm response causes them to attack their own nestmates instead of the enemy.

The attacking ants then steal the larvae and take it back to their colony where, once they are born, they perform worker functions for the nest. They become slaves. The attacking ants go after the larvae, after the young.

We are seeing propaganda pheromone happen before our eyes with our young ones. The whole purpose of the propaganda pheromone given by the ants is to capture the eggs and raise the young ones to become slaves. Church, we have to reach the younger generations. We often need to change the method but never the message. I don’t always like smoke machines, louder music, pastors with holes in their jeans, and various lighting effects. You want to know why I do not like those things? Because I am seventy-two years old!

My husband was a pastor for more than thirty years. I remember when we transitioned from not singing just hymns but to also singing new worship choruses that were projected onto the wall. Some people thought we had lost our spiritual marbles. I remember people being upset because a woman could be permitted to wear slacks to a worship service. We lost families over these kinds of changes, though the message was never changed. (I am not talking about sinful or sketchy things, but preferencial things.)

Church, we must be willing to do research, listen to young people, and see how we can reach them. Never change the message, but a change in the “how” might be needed. I know this kind of blog will be controversial to some and might even aggravate a few. So be it.

I probably don’t have too many years left on this earth. I don’t want to spend them complaining about today’s youth. I want God to show me how to reach them. I want to learn all I can about how to reach them with the truth. I want to listen to how they are experiencing the challenges of life. I want to hear their stories and tell them mine.

I am tired of the nest of God’s youth being invaded by pheromone propaganda. Church is more than a good Sunday service. The Church is an army. It is time for the army of God to go to the enemy’s camp and take back what he stole with his deception and lies. Truth sets free and destroys propaganda pheromone!

We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God.” – 2 Corinthians 10:3-5. (NLT)

An Anna Anointing

Since I am usually at the gym about the same time each day, I can count on seeing a familiar sight. There is a woman who makes her way into the gym at the same time I do, and she has done that for quite a long time. I am not sure of her name, so I’ll call her Rhonda.  I have watched her over time. She appears to be in her seventies. Rhonda’s gait is slow. She does not have on the sleek gear of so many who are much younger than she is.

There was a brief period of time when I didn’t see Rhonda, and I didn’t think too much about it. I figured that like so many who attend a gym, over time she just stopped. After a couple of months, I saw Rhonda slowly walk into the gym one day. She had no hair on her head and was very thin. My assumption was that Rhonda was being treated for some kind of cancer.

Rhonda, who was dressed a bit dowdy, slowly walked into the gym, made her way over to a recumbent exercise bike, and began pedaling at a very unhurried pace. As I looked around the gym, Rhonda seemed a bit of an oddity compared to so many other gym folks who were sharply dressed and moving at a challenging pace. Yet, it was Rhonda who caught my eye. Through all her battles and hardships, she still showed up. She still stayed in the battle. Rhonda modeled faithfulness.

There is a wonderful story in scripture about a woman whose life did not turn out as she expected, yet she modeled faithfulness to God. Her story takes place as Simeon is seeing Mary, Joseph, and the baby Jesus. Jesus was the Messiah for which Anna had long prayed for and awaited.

“Anna, a prophet, was also there in the Temple. She was the daughter of Phanuel from the tribe of Asher, and she was very old. Her husband died when they had been married only seven years. Then she lived as a widow to the age of eighty-four. She never left the Temple but stayed there day and night, worshiping God with fasting and prayer. She came along just as Simeon was talking with Mary and Joseph, and she began praising God. She talked about the child to everyone who had been waiting expectantly for God to rescue Jerusalem.” (Luke 2:36-38)

Anna’s story is given in a few short verses but let us not underestimate her. Hers is a story filled with deep truth.

Anna married and after only seven years of marriage, her husband died. There is nothing recorded about Anna having children. She is most likely in her early twenties, and has already been dealt a couple of huge, life-changing blows. She was childless, which was difficult in Biblical days, and she was a widow. All of Anna’s earthly hopes and dreams turned into nightmares. Gone were the things that would have made her feel at home on earth.

If Anna married at sixteen years old, which would have been about right in that time period, she would have been twenty-three when she became a widow. As we read the verses of her story, we find that Anna is now eighty-four years old. She has been a widow for more than sixty years.

After becoming a widow, Anna dedicated herself wholly to the Lord. I am sure Anna was grieved when she lost her husband and grieved at never having a child to call her own. It would have been so easy to check out of life naturally and spiritually. Anna decided to cling to God. She never left the temple in Jerusalem but spent her time worshiping, fasting, and praying.

Perhaps Anna was given living quarters at the temple because of her designation as prophetess, or she may have lived closeby. What stands out is that her devotion was constant, and her devotion was rewarded when she saw the baby Jesus when Mary and Joseph brought Him into the temple. Her many years of sacrifice and service were worth it all when she beheld the promised Messiah, the One for whom she had waited so long.

Anna was called a prophetess. The word prophetess comes from the Greek word “profhtij” which means “spokesperson” or “inspired speaker.” A prophet or prophetess spoke what God told them to speak or enlightened them to know, and then shared His word with others. I wonder how many people who were desperate to hear from God, heard from Him through Anna? I wonder how many things changed as a result of Anna’s life of prayer and fasting? How many lives were impacted because Anna dared to be a prayer warrior even when life was unfair?

I’m not quite to age eighty-four, but like Anna, I want it to be said of my life through every season, every hard place, every setback, Barbara Benton spent her days still clinging to Jesus, still worshiping Him, still waiting on the promises of God, still having a word in season and out of season, still glorifying God, still offering hope.  I want an Anna anointing! How about you?

Living By Faith Or Formula?

One of the most memorable days of my life is February 8, 1973, when I became a mother for the first time. There was much joy and a little bit of “I hope I know what to do with this child.”

Our first son was bottle fed, and it was a lot of work – washing bottles, sterilizing bottles, mixing the formula just right, warming the bottles to the perfect temp, feeding the baby, burping the baby.  It was almost a full-time job to keep our son fed. We followed all the books and gathered all the information, so we would know exactly how to feed him.

Within just a few days, I realized something was off. The formula that Michael was drinking seemed to pass right through him. There was a lot of mucus in his diaper, and things did not look right. (Just telling it how it was.) This problem happened right after every feeding. Maybe I didn’t know what I was doing after all.

At his one-week-old checkup, Michael really had not gained any weight. I explained to the doctor what was happening. The doctor explained to me that the problem was the formula we were using. It did not work for Michael, and he needed to try soy milk. We adjusted, and in no time at all, things changed for Michael, and he began to thrive.

I had been relying on a formula that I thought would surely bring about the desired results.

Sometimes, I think we have our Christian walk down to a perfect formula. Don’t tune me out as I attempt to paint a picture. We often try to boil it down to simple formulas.

  1. Marry another Christian + Pray together = A happy marriage.
  2. Pray every day + Read the Bible = A good Christian.
  3. Pray for the sick + Anoint with oil = All will be healed.
  4. Give money to God’s work = No financial issues.
  5. Worship music + Lifted Hands = Always being cheerful and joyful.

Our faith walk is more than formulas. It is a FAITH walk. I believe that faith sometimes involves wrestling with God. Faith, at times, is a struggle when life does not quite work out like I thought it would. Faith is clinging to a God I cannot see and a God that I sometimes do not feel. Faith is overcoming my thoughts when those thoughts want to contradict that God is a God of love, as I see so much pain in the lives of my friends and family. Faith is continuing to pray day after day and month after month and seeing no change in situations.

Let’s not confuse knowing formulas with knowing Jesus. Let’s not confuse following the rules with having a deep, intimate relationship with our Heavenly Father. God and the Christian faith cannot be contained by human formulas. Though some of the things in the formulas above are good spiritual disciplines, they should go hand-in-hand with the understanding that faith is a daily walk with a God who can be trusted even when the formulas do not seem to be working. 

I want to move beyond a vending machine prayer life. If I can just put the right spiritual coins in, I will get what I ordered. If I have the perfect words, or the correct posture, or spend enough time in prayer, then things will happen. God has reminded me recently that prayer is much deeper than a formula. Prayer is an intimate talk with the One Who loves me deeply.

Habakkuk 3:17-19 states it so well:

“Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
    and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
    and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields,
    and the cattle barns are empty,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
    I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!
The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
    He makes me as surefooted as a deer,
    able to tread upon the heights.”

The prophet’s words describe complete economic devastation. Absolute loss. There were no grocery stores. If you could not grow your food or raise your flocks, then you starved. I asked myself after reading this, “What if God never turned around some of the things for which I am praying?” Some of them concern people I love who are facing situations that only God can change.

I think that is how Habakkuk must have felt. Yet, he said, “When all the formulas do not seem to be working, I will look to my Sovereign Lord to be my strength.  He will not let me stumble! He will make me surefooted. I will be a person with a “yet” praise.”

I might not understand all things, but that will never interfere with the love relationship between my God and me. Sometimes my formulas, while they are good, might not bring the change I desire. “Yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation” (Habakkuk 3:10)