Tag Archives: pain

It’s Thankful Thursday and Today I Am Thankful for Me

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While growing up I was poor, dysfunctional and very chubby! This awareness did not come to me until I entered first grade.  Even at age six, it did not take long to figure out others did not want to be around me so much.   It did not take long to figure out that I did not have clothes and shoes as good as the majority of kids in my school. I learned first-hand the pain of feeling less than because I overweight.  Often I was the subject of many jokes especially from guys.

I was embarrassed at who I was and wanted to be anyone but me.  That thought process followed me around into high school, college and even into my married life and pastoral ministry.   I spent a good bit of time and energy trying to hide all my flaws and inadequacies, and over time it wore me out!   It stole any joy that I tried to have It ripped away my confidence that God actually wanted to use me.  I would compare myself to other pastors’ wives, speakers and leaders, and always came up short.  For years I never did anything in the church and hated going to social gatherings.  In my mind I was neither gifted nor a sought-after friend.

One day the light bulb came on for me.  If I was going to overcome this negative disposition, I had to believe what God said about me.  What did His Word declare about my life?  The following verses are just a few that revealed how God felt about me.

I knew you before I formed you in the womb; I set you apart for me before you were born.  Jeremiah 1:5

  • I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  Psalm 139:14
  • For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. – Ephesians 2:10
  • God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus.  Ephesians 2:6

As I began to repeat and proclaim those verses, I realized that God did not ask me to be anyone but me transformed by His Spirit.  BUT, that must be accepted by faith.  (But the word preached did not profit them, not being mixed with faith in them that heard it. Hebrews 4:2)   I must choose to believe that God is, that He made me and that He truly accepts me.   That can only be done through faith.  If you try to reason it out, you will not be able to accept it.  Faith must be mixed with the Word!  That which we receive from God is received by faith in God and His Word.

My heart is pained as I see how many people, women in particular, are losing the image of who they are in Christ.  As we walk down the toy aisle and see the skinny dolls, or as we stand in line at the checkout and see the airbrushed picture of a “star”, it is easy to feel inferior.  Or, if we see that gifted woman, who seems to have it together at home, church and work, it is so easy to sink emotionally when we look at ourselves.

As Christian women we answer to a higher calling than trivial pictures on a magazine. We look to the Lord for our worth, and our acceptance.  Here’s the great news: God loves us. He adores us! He created us to be wonderful, different, and nothing like the world’s call to be skinny and perfect.   God calls us to be His sons and daughters. The Almighty God loves us – loves you – just the way you are. And you are beautiful to Him!

So today, why not stop and thank God for you!

I Am Here To Testify

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409570_150152488466581_2020083291_aAs of midnight, the year 2012 will be in the books.  It will be history.  The Bentons will never be able to forget the year 2012.    At the beginning of the year we rejoiced at the news that two grandsons would be joining the family.  Each of our sons would now have their own child and each was happily married.  That is so fulfilling as a parent – to see your children happy and productive!  Then, the bottom seemed to fall out.  The call that would change our world came on the morning of February 11, 2012 when we learned that our middle son Bryan had passed away suddenly and the cause was unknown.  Talk about a world crashing down around you!  We will never forget the year 2012 when we added two precious grandsons and lost a son. The height of joy and the depth of pain.

I have used our life experience throughout the year to encourage others. That is/was sincere.  While the pain has been severe and real, God’s strength has been amazing.  With new meaning we sing the song, “Great Is Thy Faithfulness.”   Yet, I have written little about the days and nights that gave no peace and no rest.  There were plenty of those.  Sometimes when we speak of the strength and peace of God, we say it as though we have no pain, sleeplessness or anxiety.  I am honest enough to tell you that has not been the case for me.  There have been buckets of tears.  There is the ongoing pain of Bryan not meeting and enjoying his beautiful, active son.  There have been times the pain of loss, and the overwhelming heartache of watching my whole family suffer was almost more than I could bear.  Has that changed my testimony?  Not for one minute!  My testimony has not changed  and my faith has not been shattered.  I am here to testify!  I am here to testify He is with me.   I am here to testify His grace is sufficient.  I am here to testify that He is still God when I have no answers and no solutions.  I am here to testify that He has never left me nor forsaken me.  I am here to testify that His provision has been with me.  I am here to testify!

As we approach 2013, I invite you to lean upon His omnipotent arm.   “You have no need which from His infinite supplies cannot be met.  There is no stone of difficulty in your pilgrimage which His might cannot remove.  You have no burden which His arm of power cannot bear, and no perplexity which His wisdom cannot guide.  In a word, you have no condition to which Christ our ever-present God is not equal. In faith and humility make practical use of your Savior’s divinity; and when all that is merely human has failed, broken like a rope of sand, dissolved like a passing vapor; or has pierced your hand like a shattered reed, then take hold of this precious truth, and say, “My Savior God is with me in all the boundless resources of His Godhead, why then should I fear?”

And to that I am here to testify!