I am blessed to have a husband who is a rather good handyman. In fact, my grandson Andrew said, “Papa can fix anything!”  Truth! Well, at least, he can fix most things.

That same wonderful husband, to whom I have been married for almost fifty-three years, treats me so well, and I am most grateful. He is quick to help in the kitchen, the yard, or anywhere else he is needed. Sometimes, when he is working on cleaning the kitchen after a meal, I come to assist.  Often, he will say, “No, you cooked, so I’ll clean.  I insist on helping him, and he will say, “Sit down. This is a one-person job!”

Yep, he is a keeper!

Over the years, we have both discovered that there is something that he cannot fix for me because it is a one-person job. Oh, he tried through the years to fix it for me, and then he discovered that he could not fix it because it is a one-person job.

Let’s go ahead and establish ahead of time, I might hurt some feelings and maybe rustle some feathers. If that happens, I apologize in advance, and if we were together in person, I would pat your hand, look into your eyes and say, “I understand. I love you. It will be okay.” Sometimes, we need a friend to tell us the hard things. Here goes!

Joy is a one-person job.

Finding joy is your choice. I know we have heard joy is a choice so much that we never want to hear it again. Yet, it is still true. Joy is your choice. It’s your decision, no one else’s. You might have experienced tremendous loss, hurt, and sickness, but you can still choose to live a life with joy in it — even through the sad and tough times. My husband is not responsible for my joy. My best friend is not responsible for my joy. Even a bag of chocolate kisses is not responsible for my joy. (Although that bag of chocolate can do temporary wonders!)

To be clear, I am not saying we won’t experience times of great sorrow, sadness, and trial.  I know there are those who live in chronic pain or face debilitating illnesses. There are those facing tremendous loss and unfair circumstances. At some point in the journey of difficulty, one will need to choose not to be eaten alive by despair. Choose joy.

If we want to climb out of the pit of despair, we will have to be intentional about it.

As a child, I was raised in a really abusive home.  It was not unusual for all of us to be abused and beaten. I won’t give the details, but it was brutal. There were many other forms of abuse. It was a hard life.

As I began my married life, I was in no position to create a happy, peaceful home! I was mad, wounded, and miserable. My husband did all he could to make me happy and to bring joy to my life. My husband was a pastor, and church members wanted to be around me, until they didn’t! I chose to allow my past to control my temperament and how I responded to others.

There came a point that I met a woman named Benji. I listened as she gave her testimony. I was shocked at the abuse that she endured in her childhood. Benji’s mother died when Benji was just a child. After the mother died, Benji’s father immediately made her start sleeping in his bed. I will not paint the details, but I’m sure you get it. The father proceeded to board up all the windows and lock the doors and not let Benji out for fear it would be discovered what he was doing. This went on for YEARS.

Without writing Benji’s whole story here, let me give you the ending. A person walking past Benji’s house saw a set of eyes peering through the cracks between the boards. The woman, who had been walking by, went up close to the window, and Benji was able to communicate with her. Benji was rescued and went into an orphanage for a couple of years and found Jesus. Really, it was Jesus who found Benji.

Benji was a joyful, cheerful, loving person who learned that joy was not in perfect circumstances. She spoke of her joyful life and how much she was enjoying life. Benji chose joy over misery, and it awakened me to say to myself, “Joy is a choice.”

When our son Bryan died, I thought I would never stop feeling a level of pain that I thought was impossible for a person to feel. Our world had been shaken to the core. It was months before I felt like I could breathe again. I found myself as tired and depressed as I had ever been in my life. I had on the garment of heaviness, and it felt impossible to take it off. Honestly, I felt like that dark garment of heaviness was mine to keep until the day I joined Bryan on the other side.

As I cried out to God, well into months of grief, I asked God to help me walk out of the joylessness I was experiencing. I did not take this step just because I was a child of God. I looked for reasons to recapture the joy of life, and I found some. I wanted to be joyful for my husband, my children, and my grandchildren. That was enough to keep my commitment to recapturing joy. As I chose joy and walked hand-in-hand with God, that cloak of heaviness began to lift. Do I still miss my son? Of course, but despair no longer cripples me.

Finding joy in your life does not mean you walk around in a perpetual state of skipping and laughing. You might not be grinning and waving to every single passerby, although that would be fun for extroverts. It means that every day that God gives me, I will be grateful to Him, and I will look towards Heaven thanking God for a new day, and I will choose joy, because joy is a one-person job.

“Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the LORD. – Psalm 27:6; The joy of the Lord is your strength. – Nehemiah 8:10”

Recently, I was drawn into watching a family who planted a large garden for the purpose of canning a several-month supply of food. This family dedicated days and days of hard, backbreaking work to tend to the garden, harvest the garden, and prep the food for storage. At the end, viewers were able to look into the storage cellar and see rows and rows of tomatoes, corn, sauerkraut, beans, and many other products. When dinner time came, they simply walked to the cellar and pulled out something to serve.

If we are not careful, we can easily do the same thing with the hurts of life. Pain comes into our world, but rather than deal with it quickly, we keep it around. We slice it, dice it, and let it stew. We stir it, cook it, stir it, and cook it. And too often, in the end, we take the emotion, bottle it up, and store it way down deep in the cellar of our hearts, and pull it out whenever we want, and even serve it to others.

I think of my dear friend “Louise.”  We talked often, mostly by phone but occasionally in person. On one particular day as we talked, “Louise” once again poured out her heart, her hurt, and her anger to me.  Louise was someone I cared deeply about and had known for years. These angry phone calls were getting harder and harder.

Several weeks earlier, someone close to Louise had hurt her deeply through hateful words. Those words did more than hurt her heart, they came close to breaking it in half. I cried with her when she first told me the story. Louise was so heavy with hurt. I wanted to heal her hurt and erase the words that had been spoken, but of course, I could not.

I have a deep concern for Louise. I am certainly concerned about the hurt that was imposed upon her, but even more I am concerned about how it is consuming her. It is robbing her of her joy and continues to fill her thoughts. She continues to make daily trips to the cellar of hurt.

Beloved, continuous trips to the cellar of hurt is not the answer.

Because we live in the real world, there will come a day when you will be hurt, I hope not physically, but your feelings will be hurt. I have been in that place where the pain of hurtful words hits with such force that it feels like it cuts to the bone. It is the kind of pain that leaves us wondering if we will ever be able to have joy again.

It is essential to invite God into the pain, so the healing process can begin. James 4:8 reminds us that when we draw near to God, He will draw near to us. When we invite Him close, He accepts our invitation. He longs to be invited into closeness with you.

People will make mistakes and hurt your heart deeply, but I want to offer you this truth: “God didn’t bring you this far to leave you.” He has a plan much greater than being stuck in hurt. Don’t let someone else’s mistakes make you someone you were never intended to be. Walk in divine purpose.

I have found a prayer that is so helpful when I do not want to get stuck in hurt. When I do not want bitterness to take root. When I do not want to lose the joy of life. Perhaps this prayer penned by Shelley Langelaar will start you on the path towards victory over hurtful words. Pray it daily for two weeks and see healing begin.

“Father God, Your love heals. Your love makes me whole, and it completes me. Forgive me for the offense that I have been holding on to. I ask that You also forgive me for the unforgiveness and bitterness that I have been nurturing deep within my heart. Please bring to the forefront of my mind anyone with whom I have resentment. (Pause and wait on God.) I ask that You forgive me for holding on to them.

Today I am making a choice to let go of all offense, bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness. I exchange these for Your love, grace, and Your peace. Please heal my heart from the wounds that have taken residence there. I understand that bitterness kills, and love gives life. Today I am choosing life. I pray that You will bless those who have hurt me and that You will give them whatever it is that they need today. May you continue to lead and guide me as You teach me Your ways. This journey is not always easy, however with You all things are possible. Thank You for loving me and for helping me on my journey towards healing.”

“You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, whose thoughts are fixed on you!”  – Isaiah 26:3

As we headed out the door to our son’s ball game, the telephone rang. (This was back in the day of land lines.)  Though in a hurry, I chose to pick up the phone to answer. After all, my husband was the pastor of a thriving church, and it could be important.

Right after I answered, I recognized the frantic voice of “Alice.”  Alice proceeded through angry words and tears to tell me that she and her husband needed Gaylon and me right away. They had another intense argument and needed us to come “referee.”  No, she did not say referee, but that is what she wanted.

Without going into too much detail, let me give you a little background. Alice and her husband had weekly fights, not disagreements, but fights. They could get very heated over every little detail of life. Gaylon and I had met with them many times, but they never practiced any of the advice we gave them. They did not want counsel. They wanted us to choose sides.

I proceeded to tell Alice that we were on the way to our son’s ball game and could not see them right away, but we would talk to them another time. Alice was shocked! She said, “What kind of pastors are you? We need your help, and you would rather be at a ball game?” 

Alice never returned to the church.

Maybe you are applauding my response to Alice, but years prior to that might have evoked a different response from me. I probably would have dropped everything to fulfill Alice’s expectation. It happened too often that I felt obligated to be there any time someone wanted me. I dragged my babies to home visits because I was expected to accompany my husband. Surely God wanted me to make people happy.

Over time in ministry, I became angry at all the demands. I had accepted the lie that good ministry and good Christian living requires pleasing people. It took years for me to understand that I had a disease called “pleasing-people-itis.”  Perhaps you have heard of it?

The Bible speaks to this issue. “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10).

Paul positions people-pleasing as being in opposition to serving God. If we commit ourselves to serving God, then we ought to be serious about understanding that approval addiction has significant consequences – anger, exhaustion, joylessness, and others.

It is impossible to please people all the time. We know this. We have heard it hundreds of times. Often, we forget what we know, especially if we want a person to have a good opinion of us. When we carry the burden of people-pleasing, we end up carrying a cross that is not ours to bear.

“People-pleasing-itis” will raise its head quite often. When there is pressure to please someone, give it time before saying yes. Tell them you will get back with them tomorrow. Pray about it. Weigh whether you are feeling the pressure of people-pleasing. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries for your own good, your spiritual good, and the good of your family.

If I am pleasing Him, if I am living for Him, if I am following His direction, then I do not have to worry about whether people like me or agree with my decisions. What matters is whether I am pleasing God. My life is an offering to Him and is meant to be lived pleasing Him. Living our lives in the jail of what others think just keeps us in bondage! Isn’t it time to break the chains of people pleasing?

In a world that seems to be filled with anger and discontent, it is easy to concentrate on the negatives in life. I came across a story that is a breath of fresh air. If God lets me live to be the age of this woman, I hope I can leave deposits of joy around me. The following story is so heartwarming.

“Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time,” she said. This story about a ninety-two-year-old woman has been shared over two hundred thousand times. When you read it, I think you will understand why. It all has to do with her attitude.

Here is what Alex Steblowsky wrote about Peggy Jones:

This petite, well-poised and proud lady, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o’clock, with her hair fashionably coiffed and makeup perfectly applied, even though she is legally blind, moved to a nursing home yesterday. Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary.

After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready. As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet curtains that had been hung on her window.

“I love it,” she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

“Mrs. Jones, you haven’t seen the room …. just wait.”

“That doesn’t have anything to do with it,” she replied. “Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time.” Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged, it is how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It is a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.”

“Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I’ll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I have stored away, just for this time in my life. She went on to explain, “Old age is like a bank account, you withdraw from what you have put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories.”

And with a smile, she said, “Remember the five simple rules to be happy.”

“Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”

Recently, I listened to a Christian singer being interviewed on national television. The singer was on “pause” from the Christian band of which he was a member. The band gave the reason that the singer’s behavior did not align with biblical values, and this was not the first time he had an issue of this nature.

It appears that in the latest incident, the singer posted a video on social media showing him dancing in a vulgar manner with friends, to a vulgar song that included filthy lyrics. After he was confronted, he immediately took the video down. He wrote an apology about his behavior but removed the apologetic post quickly. He additionally posted “sexy” pictures and said he was proud of his body.

The interviewer asked the singer, “What was the big deal? You are only human? Is there anything wrong with being human?”  His response was, “Right! I’m like, don’t be judging me. I’m a cool guy.”  The audience gave thunderous applause, and the singer laughed heartily.

The most misused scripture these days seems to be from Matthew 7:1, “Judge not, that ye be not judged.” Oh how it is taken out of context and misinterpreted! “Well, the deacon cheated on his wife, but who am I to judge? The pastor was caught drunk and in a compromising position with another person, but who am I to judge?“

We often use this verse as a trump card. “Don’t judge me for my mistakes… otherwise Jesus will judge you.” This verse often becomes a justification of wrong actions. If “judge not lest ye be judged” means that Christians are to never offer any moral assessment, to never call out bad or good, then we are in trouble. Jesus contradicts that way of thinking many times, especially in the Sermon on the Mount, which is the context of these words of Jesus. In fact, we are told in other scriptures that “we will know them by their fruits.”

Context matters. If we learn to read the Bible for what it is—and not as a collection of independent proverbial sayings—we will discover that some of our most familiar passages say something slightly different from what we have always assumed. That is certainly the case in Matthew seven.

Matthew seven does not teach against judgment; it teaches against hypocritical judgment. Pulling the words “judge not” out of context distorts the meaning and contradicts the rest of scripture. Jesus’s statement to “judge not lest you be judged” zeroed in on the problem of spiritual hypocrisy, especially among the Pharisees. They went around looking for every flaw in someone else, yet they overlooked or justified their own flaws. It was spiritual pride and hypocrisy. Jesus compared these offenses to giant logs that blind us to our own faults while we laser in on shortcomings in others. If we are going to judge the actions of another, expect to be judged by the same measuring stick.

Let me illustrate this using the true story of a famous evangelist. My purpose is not to slam the evangelist, but to show how easy it is to see in others what we will not deal with in ourselves. The evangelist was constantly digging for dirt on a well-known pastor. Finally, it was discovered that the pastor was indeed involved in an extra-marital affair. The well-known evangelist began to broadcast it publicly, which resulted in the pastor stepping away from his church and his ministry. Just a few months later, the same evangelist was caught with a prostitute. It seems the pastor also was watching the moves of the evangelist and had pictures of the evangelist showing his moral failure.

This fits the context of Matthew 7:1-5, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

The evangelist was judging the pastor, but not judging himself.

Jesus was not prohibiting judging each other, but that it been done fairly and with a right heart. God will measure unto us according to the same measure we use for others. This is a powerful motivation for us to be generous with love, forgiveness, and goodness to others. If we want more of those things from God, we should give more of them to others. Examine yourself before examining another. Deal with your stuff before you deal with another’s stuff.

Therefore, this verse is not a tool to ignore sinful lifestyles that do not line up with the Word of God. In fact, Jesus does not say that we should not judge the speck in the eye of another, but that we must first judge the plank in our own eye.

I would have to write an epistle to cover it all, but I cannot do that in this blog. However, the Apostle Paul wrote many epistles to the New Testament Church covering what is and is not appropriate behavior for a Christian. Go read those. I also recommend reading the entire Sermon on the Mount in context.

Context matters.