Like so many others, I enjoy the sacred parts of Christmas, and the fun parts.  I love nativity pageants with children waving at parents, picking their noses, or dropping the baby Jesus on his head!  While some kids will be perfect angels on stage, others will cause their parents to crawl under a pew!

I love a Christmas Eve candlelight communion service.  The softness of the music, and everyone’s thoughts united on the true meaning of Christmas, cause one to sense such a sweet presence of God.  It is one of my favorite services.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

Yet, for many who love God and understand the true meaning of Christmas, it’s hard this year.  Many are suffering from grief and loss.  Many have mourning on Christmas morning.  For those suffering with deep grief and sorrow this Christmas, may I just express a few thoughts?

First of all, I feel your pain.  When we love someone deeply and are accustomed to having that person as a part of our holiday celebration, there is a hole when they are gone.  It is painful.  Last year was our first year without Bryan.  Though I love God, and I am deeply committed to Him, I went through the motions of celebrating last year.   I was trying to “be there” for the rest of my family, but I was so overcome with sorrow.

As I have gotten older, I don’t decorate as much as I once did.  Last year I did no decorating.  My family kidded me about it, but I never told them that I could not bear to decorate.  It’s okay not to “feel” like doing some of these things if you are in grief.  It’s also okay if you do feel like doing some of these things.  In this our second year without our son, I have made my home more festive.  I literally cried the whole time I decorated, but that is okay.  I am now enjoying the beauty of Christmas.  I love the joy I see in my grandchildren when they see the lights, the Santas, the two nativities – one which plays music, the Christmas train and all the rest of the trimmings.

I am praying for those who are dealing with this kind of grief and loss.  God is hugging you today.  He understands where you are, and He cares about every tear.  Jesus Christ left the splendor of heaven, and was born as a babe into a world that was dark and broken.  He became Immanuel – God with us.    NEVER, NEVER, NEVER WILL JESUS LEAVE US!  He will be with us in good times and bad times, in sickness and in health, in success and failure, in poverty and prosperity, in joy and sorrow.  He will be with you if you are mourning on Christmas morning.

“A virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us.”  Matthew 1:23

We just returned from a fun-filled visit with our daughter-in-law Sarah and our grandson Tucker.  The days were filled with projects, laughter and food.

Tucker is about eighteen months old and wants to be in the middle of all conversations and whatever is going on.  While he was a baby, Sarah spent time teaching Tucker baby sign language, so he could communicate some of his needs and desires.

Tucker learned to wave his hand up and down, which means I want something to drink.  Think of the motion of moving a drink up and down.  As he was playing with Papa, Tucker got thirsty.  I was in the kitchen cooking, and Tucker and Papa came into the room.  Tucker was standing by the refrigerator and began to rapidly pump his hand up and down.  I waved back, assuming he was telling me, “hi!”  Tucker kept pumping his arm, while displaying desperate eyes.  Tucker knew what he meant, but we did not! What I interpreted him to say was not at all what he meant.

Later, I vaguely remembered that Sarah had mentioned that waving the hand up and down was sign for “drink.”  I poured Tucker a drink, and he was happy beyond words as the water hit his lips!  As I took time to think about it, I gained understanding of what Tucker was trying to say.

What Tucker and I had was a communication problem.

Too often we have a communication problem.  This happens in marriages, friendships, relationships and church life.  Like Tucker, someone is desperately trying to communicate something to us, and we interpret it as something else.  I find this especially true on Facebook and other social media, but it also true in real life.

In my younger days, I quickly wrote people off when I disagreed with them.  Over time, I realized that often I wasn’t really hearing what people were saying.  I also realized that I had to be right!  As I have matured, my goal is no longer to be right, but to listen to people, try to understand what they are actually saying, and even when I disagree, to say so in an agreeable manner.  I am responsible for me.

Before we just write people off because we disagree, let’s take time to sit down and try to understand where each other is coming from.  We don’t have to agree, but let’s hear each other out, who knows, like with Tucker, we all might win in the end.

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. – George Bernard Shaw

“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” – James 1:19

The day before Thanksgiving,  I decided to do a quick run into Costco to pick up a few things.  Quick run and day before Thanksgiving should not even be in the same sentence!

There were hundreds of people in the store and no grocery carts were available, so I decided I’d just carry my items.  After all, I am a strong woman!   I began meandering through the crowd in the food section of the store.  I picked up a bag of fruit, a gallon of milk and a few other items.  Pretty soon it was more than I could manage, and a cart was needed.

Off in the distance I saw an empty cart and raced to get it before someone else did.  I dumped my items in the cart and immediately discovered that the cart had a mind of its own!  When I tried to go straight, it decided to the right.  I had to work so hard to keep the cart in a straight line, that within five minutes, my arms were fatigued.   The wheels on the cart were out of alignment, thus the journey down the aisles was very tiring and unsuccessful.

I was blessed to come upon another empty cart.  Hooray for me!   I put all the items in that cart and continued on my journey down the aisles.  To my dismay, that cart squeaked very loudly and was also out of alignment.  All eyes were on me as I went up and down the aisles screeching and bumping into things.  My cart wasn’t just affecting me now, but those around me.  Surely I could make it the rest of the way even if I was out of alignment!  Once again, my arms become so tired that I did not even want to finish what I had started.  I was ready to give up.  I had much to overcome in order to be victorious in Costco that day, and it was going to be much harder if I continued out of alignment.

My eyes caught a vision of a third empty cart, and I put my items in it.  This one was in perfect alignment.  The journey was no longer sapping my energy.  I was no longer spending so much time fighting just to stay on the path.  I was now able to conquer Costco!

The problem had been an alignment problem.

Too often this is the story of the Christian walk.  God has given us His word to show us how to walk down the aisles of life.  As we journey through life, far too many wrong choices are made about dating, marriage, sex, finances, spiritual matters, Facebook posts and other issues. Making decisions out of alignment with God’s Word will cause our “cart” to go in directions it was never intended.   When we choose to do life our way, we get tired and burned out, and find ourselves struggling to keep it in the road. This can produce a lot of squeaking in our lives, the kind that affects others.

I have made a decision to try to walk my life as close to scriptural principles as possible.   I want to stay in alignment with Him.   What kind of cart are you pushing?  If your cart has you going in all kinds of wrong directions, then today is the day to let go of that squeaky, wayward cart, and lay hold of the cart God has provided.  It sure makes the journey better for you and those around you.

“Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.”  Psalm 119:105

It’s simple to thank God when He does miracles and answers prayers just the way we want them answered. It’s easy to thank Him when we look around and see many blessings in our lives. When our situation seems awful, or we’re struggling through tragedy or hard times, it can seem unbelievable that God is working for our good.

In her book The Hiding Place, Corrie Ten Boom tells of a time she discovered that God was working even in the most horrific circumstances.   Corrie and her sister Betsie had been imprisoned by the Nazis for hiding Jews behind the wall of their Holland home, and Nazi prison conditions pretty well unbearable.

Corrie writes:  “Barracks 8 was in the quarantine compound. Next to us–perhaps as a deliberate warning to newcomers–were located the punishment barracks. From there, all day long and often into the night, came the sounds of hell itself. They were not the sounds of anger, or of any human emotion, but of a cruelty altogether detached: blows landing in regular rhythm, screams keeping pace. We would stand in our ten-deep ranks with our hands trembling at our sides, longing to jam them against our ears, to make the sounds stop.

“It grew harder and harder. Even within these four walls there was too much misery, too much seemingly pointless suffering. Every day something else failed to make sense, something else grew too heavy.”

Yet, in the midst of the suffering, the women prisoners around Corrie and Betsie found comfort in the little Bible studies they held in the barracks. Corrie writes they gathered around the Bible “like waifs clustered around a blazing fire…The blacker the night around us grew, the brighter and truer and more beautiful burned the Word of God.”

When they were moved to Barracks 28, Corrie was horrified by the fact that their reeking, straw-bed platforms swarmed with fleas. How could they live in such a place?   It was Betsie who discovered God’s answer:  “Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus.”   That’s it, Corrie! That’s His answer. “Give thanks in all circumstances!”  That’s what we can do. We can start right now to thank God for every single thing about this new barracks!’

“I stared at her; then around me at the dark, foul-aired room…”

They thanked God for the fact they were together. They thanked God they had a Bible. They even thanked God for the horrible crowds of prisoners, that more people would be able to hear God’s Word. And then, Betsie thanked God for the fleas.

“The fleas! This was too much. ‘Betsie, there’s no way even God can make me grateful for a flea.’

‘”Give thanks in all circumstances,”‘ she quoted.  “It doesn’t say, “in pleasant circumstances.”  Fleas are part of this place where God has put us.”

“And so we stood between tiers of bunks and gave thanks for fleas. But this time I was sure Betsie was wrong.”    It turned out that Betsie was not wrong; the fleas were a nuisance, but a blessing after all. The women were able to have Bible studies in the barracks with a great deal of freedom, never bothered by supervisors coming in and harassing them. They finally discovered that it was the fleas that kept those supervisors out.

Through those fleas, God protected the women from abuse and harassment.  Dozens of desperate women were free to hear the comforting, hope-giving Word of God.  Through those fleas, God protected the women from much worse things and made sure they had their deepest, truest needs met.

We all have “fleas” in our lives. We all have those things that we can see no use for, things that are obviously horrible, unpleasant, painful things that we want gone.  No life is free of “fleas.”   We all have aggravations, inconveniences and pain.  If God can use fleas to protect Corrie and Betsie, He is fully capable of using difficult things to bless us.  God does care; God is working even when we are uncomfortable with or disappointed with life.   As we celebrate Thanksgiving Day, lets thank God for His constant care and provision, and for His hidden blessings that come in ways we can easily overlook.

“In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”  1 Thessalonians 5:18

About two years ago my friend Raechel informed me she was pregnant with her second child.  Raechel had difficulty getting pregnant, so she was ecstatic.  In time, through sonogram, it was discovered that Raechel and Joel would have a son joining them and their daughter.  Such joy!  That great joy soon was overshadowed by a tearful revelation.  Liam had club feet.

Many of us prayed for God to straighten Liam’s feet before he was born.  That did not happen, and I am not here to explain the “why” of that.  None of us knows.  Liam was faced with a long, painful battle in order to walk.

Liam had his first casting at two weeks old, and then a series of weekly castings for five weeks.  Another surgery was required at seven weeks, followed by double plaster/fiberglass casts for two weeks.  These casts covered the feet and went all the way up the thigh.  After a week cast-free, Liam was fitted for a Ponseti brace which he wore twenty-three hours a day for three months, followed by three months wearing the brace just at night.  Through pain, lots of waiting and continuing to strengthen his legs, Liam is now walking at seventeen and a half months old.  Though he had been bound by casts, and immobilized by braces, Liam never gave up trying to walk.  His parents shared a video of him running around the room grinning and laughing.  Liam’s mourning has turned to dancing.

Liam’s story is all of our stories in one way or another.  There are periods of mourning, and seasons of “how long, O Lord?”  Many of us have faced things that tried to stop our walk, or pain while trying to walk, or things that slowed our walk.  Like Liam, we must never give up.  We don’t understand all things, and it might seem our situation is changing too slowly.  It might seem that we will never have joy, but according to the Word of God, “Joy comes in the morning.”

There is healing beyond pain and the things that seem to immobilize us.  Night will give way to morning, and it could even be today.   This could be the day of great rejoicing for you.

Don’t give up.  Like Liam, with great laughter, we can dance and proclaim, “Thou hast turned my mourning into dancing!”

“You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.  You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy.”  Psalm 30:11

A blessed woman I am to be married to Gaylon Benton for the past forty-two years.  He is a kind, considerate and helpful husband.

Generally, I keep our house tidied up, but occasionally it has to be cleaned from top to bottom.  When that need arises, Gaylon steps right up to help me.  He always says, “That way we can both sit and enjoy life.”  What a guy!

Recently it was one of those days, and we divided up the responsibilities.  Something got lost in the communication.  I thoroughly cleaned our guest bath.  I scrubbed, polished, cleaned, swept and did it all.  After I was finished, Gaylon and I communicated about what else needed to be done.  I stated that I had finished the guest bath.  He said, “I already cleaned that bathroom.”  Ugh!  I knew it was the cleanest dirty bathroom I had ever seen. That morning I wasted a lot of time and energy trying to clean what had already been cleaned for me.

Too often in walking with God, many are unable to accept that we are cleansed because of the work of the cross.  It is not required for us to do seventy-eight things to cleanse ourselves.  We are saved through the Grace of God.  G-r-a-c-e is not a four letter word!  It is a beautiful five letter word.

Jesus paid it all
All to him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow

Stop trying to clean what God has already cleaned.  He’s not mad at you!  He is not!  He is actually mad about you!  Sit and communicate with Him, and listen carefully.  You will hear Him say, “I have already cleaned that!”

“God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.”  Ephesians 2:8  

Because of his job my son had the drudgery of having to go to San Francisco for the week.  (Yes, that is said with much jealously and sarcasm!)   What an enjoyable time I am having in Baton Rouge visiting “my girls.”   Madison Benton knows that she is my favorite girl in the whole wide world.

It has been a wonderful experience to watch the daily schedule of my daughter-in-law Alica.    Alica is a first-grade teacher whose day begins very early.   By 6:00 each morning, Alica has showered and gotten dressed.  She heads downstairs to eat a quick breakfast, and get things together for the day.   Then she heads upstairs to awaken Madison and “Olivia” at 6:20.   By 6:40, it’s out the door for a long day.

For reasons we will never know, God only blessed Michael and Alica with one biological child.   They chose to open their home to children that needed a safe, loving environment which shields them from cares and pain that should not be on their shoulders.

“Olivia” is a foster child who has lived with Michael and Alica on several occasions.  I won’t go into all the reasons why Olivia has been removed from her home.  This time she has been here for several months, and it appears she will be here for a while.     Olivia is not a handful.  She is two handfuls with some spilling over!

Several months ago, Michael knew about this trip to San Francisco.  Originally, Alica planned to go with him for five days of enjoyment and fun.  That would have required that Olivia be in respite care.  Alica has had to make those arrangements a few times, but feels Olivia’s progress takes a hit; therefore Alica sacrifices her desires for the benefit of Olivia.  My heart has been moved by the love and care that Alica has for this child.  It’s all about touching Olivia’s life.  It’s about sacrificing for the good of a wounded human.  It’s about going the extra mile.

“And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him two.” – Matthew 5:41.  The word “compel” is the idea of “a readiness and willingness to submit to inconvenience.”

When did someone go the extra mile for you? When did someone go “above and beyond” what was expected in order to help you, welcome you, show you hospitality, comfort, or love?  Who cared enough to help you on your way?

It is easy to look at people who require that extra mile, and let out a big sigh!  The extra mile means sacrifice of my own desires and ease of schedule.  Two questions have bombarded my mind while I have been here.  Whose life have I changed because of my love and patience?  Whose life will I change because of walking the extra mile?

I have no crystal ball to see where Olivia will be in twenty years, but this I know, her opportunity of an abundant life has increased because someone was willing to go the extra mile.

In the state of Alabama, where no pro sports are located, college football is king.   My guys love  University of Alabama football.  Now that we have resided in the state for nine years, I admit that I keep up with the team pretty closely.

When the University of Alabama recruits a high school player, and he accepts that offer, he has just committed to some of the hardest work of his life.   Quite a few of these young men have the potential to play pro ball and that becomes their goal.  When they arrive on campus, they are a long way from reaching the goal.  Many of the players come in undersized and not as well-developed as they need to be to play college ball.   The student athletes arrive on campus and immediately begin a regimen of training.   Then, they must practice, practice, practice, whether it’s hot or cold, whether they feel like it or not.   It is painful, repetitive, hard work.   Some get lazy and never reach the potential laid before them.    Some do the hard work and four years later, they don’t even look like the same person.  They have matured, and have become strong and disciplined.  They were willing to put the work in to reach the goal.

Our walk with God is the most important journey of life.  I counsel and pray with a lot of people.   It is sad to me how many people want God to just pour blessings out of heaven with little or no involvement from them.    I have always found it interesting that God showed the Israelites the land He was “giving” them, and then told THEM to go possess it.

Too often, people want ministry position, breakthrough in their families, better jobs, greater sense of God’s presence … and on and on.  Yet, they don’t want to put in the effort required to see the goal reached.  For example, when I have to speak somewhere, it would be so nice if God wrote the sermon and did the research!  He gives me the seed and then I must pray, study, research, write, edit, pray more, travel, pray more, speak the message, pray more,  and then trust Him to bring forth fruit.  Another example – people want God to heal their marriages, but they want to continue treating their spouses in ways that are detrimental to the relationship.

“Faith without works is dead!”

The truth of the matter is that I must cooperate with the Spirit of God and practice the Word of God.   There is a lot of confession, but far too little possession of the promises of God.   I can confess being a size six all day long, but if day-in and day-out I feed a size sixteen, I will remain size sixteen.  (Don’t ask how I know this!)

Let us arise.  Let us shake off spiritual laziness and apathy.   Let us do the hard work.    Like those Alabama football players, we won’t look the same and will be much stronger.   Let’s possess what God has given us.   We must move from confession to possession.  God simply is not going to do it all for us.

The Benton men do love their college football.  It was fun to have part of the family over for a big game last Saturday.   There was fun, laughter, chatter, food, excitement and nail-biting, but their beloved Tide won!

While the game was being watched, my eyes were opened concerning my 18 month-old grandson Joseph.  I was in the kitchen and everyone else was in the living room.   I heard my daughter-in-law Kelly say, “Oh my!  Joseph just opened the front door.  Get him!”  (Kelly has a broken foot so moving rapidly was not a possibility.)  Someone scooped Joseph up quickly before he got out the door.  The door has a lever handle,  and he simply pulled down on the handle, and was about to walk through a door that he was not mature enough handle.  I learned that day that the front door must be locked at all times to keep Joseph from walking into situations for which he is not ready.

In Joseph’s mind, the open door was just what he wanted.  He loves the outdoors, but Joseph did not understand, that the timing was totally wrong for him to walk through the door.  Joseph would have been in a dangerous situation.  Joseph would have wandered with no direction.   The day will come when he will be ready for what is beyond the door, but not at this time in his life.

Open doors in life can mean opportunity, progress and promotion.  But, there are times when open doors close, or sometimes the door just doesn’t open at all.  Often we cry out, “God, where are you? Is it all over for me?   Why don’t you open the door, God?!”

This cry comes from disappointment or even desperation.  As God’s children we need to walk in greater trust concerning the doors that are before us.   Closed doors do not mean that it is the end of the road.  They do not mean that God has stopped caring about our lives.  It is actually quite the opposite.

The key to every door is in His hand.  If you are a devoted disciple of Jesus Christ, and you desire His will in all things, you can be certain that He will open the right doors at the right time.  You can also be certain that He will close doors.  There are times that He does use open and closed doors of circumstances, finances, relationships and many other things to help guide us.

Will you be bold enough to ask God to close all doors except the ones that He wants you to go through? We should never force doors to open, or pull strings to make things work out.  Try not to dwell on the disappointment of a closed door, for like Joseph, we might find ourselves walking through a door that looked so inviting, only to find it was a wrong place for us.

“I know your works. Behold, I have set before you an open door, which no one is able to shut.”  Revelation 3:8

“How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily?” –  Psalm 13:1,2

Those of us who live in the southern part of the United States know what hot weather is!   The heat and humidity can be brutal!  Much of the chatter during the summer is about how hot it is.  One will find no shortage of complaints about the season, and wishes for the next season to hurry its arrival.  No matter how much we try to wish it away or long for the next season, we must learn to live victoriously in the present, until the new season arrives.

God has been reminding me that life has seasons, and that at some point, one season must give way to the next.  Think of how summer becomes fall.  It’s still very hot and then “suddenly” there will be cool crisp air one morning, then back to hot, repeat and repeat.   In time the hot is gone and the cool is present every day. There has been a change of season.

As David wrote Psalm 13, he was on the run from King Saul and found himself in a hard place of losing hope. He was in dire need of encouragement and strength.  Words of anguish filled his heart and then came forth as words from his mouth, as he cried out to the God, “How long?”

Are you living in the unbearable days of “How long?”  How long will I be unemployed? How long will my marriage be like this? How long must I continue to pray to have a child?  How long will my child be a prodigal?  How long will I live with this life-threatening diagnosis? How long will I be lonely? How long will my family continue to hurt me?  Our stay in “How long?” can seem “very long.”

You might be in a season that is difficult.  I call it the winter of life.  May I be honest enough to tell you that I have never experienced the winter of life like I have for the past year and a half.  While I will not enumerate everything, it has been a cold winter season for my family.   It has been the season of “How long, Lord?”  in so many ways.  How thankful I am that the words of David can become my words to God.  I can bring my pain to Him.  It strengthens my faith to know that He will bring me through the season of “How long?”

Don’t give up, child of God.  He knows where you are and what the cry of your heart is!  A change of season will come!